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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

New research showed that overeating has become bigger problem in the world than hunger. What are the reasons of this problem? How can solve it?

#research #world #hunger
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Experts state that they are more concerned with obesity issues than starvation issues.
This
 essay will discuss the cause of that and how to avoid
such
 a problem.
Firstly
, the problem occurs
due to
 the food being cheaper and more accessible.
Secondly
, to battle overeating issues, incorporating healthy
habits
 daily is suitable as a solution. Nowadays, many nations around the world have successfully implemented technology in food sectors, making it less expensive. Henceforth, the less expensive cuisines make them reachable to the citizens.
While
 others believe that was not the problem’s origin as they think the nutrition had a bigger impact, experts debunk that as they state that the more accessible food at the market is the root.
Moreover
, they state that artificial foods were vanishing their nutrition by about 40%.
Consequently
, the easy-to-access and less nutritious beverages could increase the chance of exceeding body fat standards by 80%, as they stated. Given these points, the cuisine’s accessibility was the root of the complication. One way to stay away from being obese is by implementing healthy
habits
.
On the other hand
, some argue that implementing those was not as easy as turning hands.
Nevertheless
, using gadgets to advertise it could doctrine them to do the
habits
.
Furthermore
, Incorporating that regularly means that the citizens need to consume clean foods.
Additionally
, scientists believe that the GM cuisines in the market could be categorized based on their healthiness level using advanced gadgets.
Additionally
, they predict that technology could promote and make public well-being better by 20%.
As a result
, it makes them realize the importance of their well-being. In general, incorporating healthy activities could battle the obesity issue and the technologies themself could help them to realize it.
Overall
, the origin of people being obese was the more reachable foods and beverages on the market.
Thus
, one of the solutions to eradicate it is by implementing
habits
 that make people healthier.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use topic sentences to establish this main idea at the beginning of each paragraph. Additionally, avoid redundancy and ensure each argument is developed fully before moving to the next point.
task achievement
Make sure each part of the task is addressed in a clear and structured manner. Elaborate more on the factors contributing to overeating such as lifestyle, marketing of unhealthy foods, and social factors.
task achievement
Be specific with examples and details. For example, mention particular countries where technology has impacted food prices or where certain health campaigns have had success.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
The main points related to the causes of overeating and solutions are appropriately addressed.
task achievement
There are relevant examples and points made about the influence of cheaper, more accessible food and the role of technology in promoting healthy habits.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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