IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #government #technology #money
Currently,
technology
 is demanded to be better so many nations' governments are allocating
money
 to new techniques to deal with the public.
This
 can be caused by the need for new advanced machines to enhance the quality of work in some fields. In my opinion, authority
money
 is appropriate in using for investing in
technology
. Since the world has significantly developed, particularly
technology
, it is understandable why new technologies are being invested by the governments in order to deal with the public.
To begin
 with,
technology
 plays a vital role in life as it helps businesses to improve their profit, potentially leading to the increase of
finance
 in many countries.
For instance
, The USA and England have both developed since they upgraded their machine. On
condition
Correct article usage
the condition
show examples
 that
technology
 is not utilized, the
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 of a country tend to decrease. There are several reasons that contribute to the suitableness of authority
money
/ the first and foremost factor is that government
finance
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to be a source of investment since the government can afford the price of
technology
. The more wealthy the nations are, the more price they can afford.
Furthermore
, it can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses to allocate
money
 to several categories other than
technology
.
As a result
, not only the
technology
 developed but
also
 other categories as well. In conclusion, new
technology
 is being invested
due to
 the need for new advanced machines. Authority
money
 is suitable for investment as it is the main source of
finance
as well as
 helps the business to allocate
money
 to other fields.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main point.
Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Support
Include specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing.
Grammar
Check your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to improve clarity and professionalism.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompts clearly, demonstrating an understanding of the task.
Content Balance
You have a good balance of opinion and factual support, which strengthens your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined, framing your essay effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • governmental investment
  • enhance efficiency
  • accessibility
  • responsiveness
  • public services
  • progressive step
  • modernizing
  • quality of life
  • technological advancements
  • data management
  • policy decisions
  • streamlined processes
  • shift towards technology
  • digitization
  • digital divide
  • privacy
  • prioritization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: