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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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It is a notorious trend around the globe that an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are contracting personal fitness trainers
instead
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 of attending
to
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apply
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workout classes or playing sports.
This
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 essay discusses the motives behind
this
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 phenomenon and explains why, in many cases,
this
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 might have more negative impacts. There are two merits of having a personal workout
trainer
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.
Firstly
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, it is more convenient.
This
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 is because many workers do not have enough time to commute to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 or sports centres nowadays.
Therefore
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, having a personal
trainer
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 at their disposal is usually more practical as it saves time on
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
.
Additionally
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, it provides better personal feedback.
This
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 is
due to
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 the
trainer
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's attention
being restrict
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being restricted
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 to whom contracted them and,
as a consequence
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, more professional attention is given.
For example
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,
people
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 who attend to gym often complain about not receiving enough attention and, in some cases, being at risk of injuring themselves
due to
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 exercising in the wrong position.
However
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, there are several reasons why having a personal
trainer
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 might be a negative trend. The most important one is that individuals often miss the opportunity to increase their teamwork skills.
This
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 is because attending
to
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apply
show examples
private exercise classes often
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not involve doing activities in a group and having to deal with challenges
such
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 as personality differences and helping others.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who do not go to workout classes might lose having interesting social
interations
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interactions
to
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with
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 other individuals.
For instance
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, one often
know
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knows
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 new individuals with similar interests at gyms, having the opportunity to build new relationships and discover opportunities related to work or different hobbies,
for example
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. In conclusion, the aspects behind why many
people
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 are contracting personal fitness trainers are
due to
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practicity
Correct your spelling
practicality
practice
 and focused
feedbacks
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feedback
show examples
. The reasons why
this
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 might be a negative development are that opportunities to work in a team are lost and new social acquaintances are reduced.

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Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
To improve, consider varying your sentence structures more and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to add depth and precision to your arguments. This could enhance the clarity and impact of your writing.
Balanced Viewpoint
When discussing the negative aspects, ensure to offer balanced viewpoints and possibly suggest how these negatives might be mitigated, enhancing the depth of your discussion.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.
Task Response
You have clearly addressed both parts of the question, discussing the reasons for the trend towards personal training and evaluating its positive and negative implications.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, such as the risks of injury without personal attention in gyms, effectively supports your main points and helps to clarify your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
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