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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of people nowadays are spending too much money and they don’t save anything for future use. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #money #don’t #future #development
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In the contemporary era, many people favour spending all the
money
 they earn.
Also
, they do not save anything for the future. From my perspective, it is a negative development and there are a myriad of reasons contributing to
such
 opinion which will be examined
further
 in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, saving
money
 is important to create an emergency fund.
For instance
, if someone gets a health emergency which is an unforeseeable circumstance of one's
life
then
 he can easily cover his expenses with the funds he saved for the future.
On the other hand
, a spendthrift person might not be able to pay for his
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
such
 as medical bills and therapy charges.
Therefore
, to create a safe financial
life
 one has to save funds which somehow offer ease during the hard moments of
life
 .
Moreover
, saving has
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another advantage which is it provides freedom to a frugal user of
money
.
For instance
, if somebody preserved
money
 for his future use
then
 his
life
 does not depend upon the paychecks. He can easily take off for vacations from his work and does not have to worry about
his
Change the word
the
show examples
 costs of daily
life
. But, the people who are not conscientious enough towards
wealth
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot have control over their time. They could not spend some moments of
life
 comfortably like a miser person can do that.
Thus
, preserving
wealth
 is a necessity of
life
.
To conclude
, there are many unexpected situations
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
 when a human needs huge amounts of cash to cover his expenses.
Besides
this
,
wealth
 is required to take control of one's time.
Wealth
 saves someone from not only emergencies but
also
 from other distresses that come from
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 busy
life
.
Hence
, it is crucial to preserve finances.
Submitted by Kiran on

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coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your range of connectives and transition phrases to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility and complexity in your writing.
task achievement
Provide a more diverse range of examples to support your arguments. Using varied and specific examples can strengthen your essay's persuasive power.
task achievement
To elevate your essay further, you might explore counter-arguments and refute them. This approach could enrich your discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow which enhances its readability and coherence.
task achievement
You effectively use examples to support your main points, illustrating your arguments well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic instability
  • financial trouble
  • emergencies
  • economic downturns
  • financial security
  • long-term goals
  • higher education
  • retiring comfortably
  • paycheck to paycheck
  • stress and anxiety
  • mental health
  • stimulate the economy
  • generate employment
  • business growth
  • debt accumulation
  • consumerism culture
  • material goods
  • personal development
What to do next:
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