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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of brining people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In the present day, it has been believed by several people that
music
Use synonyms
 brings various generations, traditions, and cultures closer together. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement,
due to
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 the fact that there are enormous numbers of nations, and each of them has various tastes in
music
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,
as well as
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 it can not connect them
due to
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 the generation gap;
consequently
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, they will not have the same interest as well. People have diverse preferences when it comes to
music
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, much like how different cultures hold varying beliefs. Even when individuals from different backgrounds listen to the same song, their interpretations and feelings about it can differ based on their cultural perspectives.
For example
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, my 16- or 17-year-old classmate enjoys listening to Kazakh pop
music
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, especially to a rapper named 'Askha Prince,' as it boosts his self-confidence and brings positive emotions,
while
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 my foreign acquaintance called Zuki, who has listened to pop
music
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, did not agree, because only rock melodies can make her calm and relaxed.
Furthermore
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,
music
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 cannot connect person to person if they have a significant age gap. Through the decades,
music
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 has changed noticeably, as in modern times, people do not understand the value of
music
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.
Hence
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, nowadays, there are numerous fake singers who release meaningless types of songs,
while
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 in the Soviet Union, there were many significant melodies.
For instance
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, my grandmother, who is 67 years old, still adores old songs and condemns her own grandchildren for listening to
such
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 terrible songs of "
Morgenshtern
Correct your spelling
Morgenstern
,' whose video clips do not even make sense. In conclusion,
music
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 is unable to bring nations together
due to
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 differences in age and preferences in the field of
music
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Consider presenting a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, even if your position is strong. This will provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Integrate a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the clarity and richness of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is appropriate for the essay format.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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