Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than economic progress?
Many are of the opinion that whether
nations
are successful is evaluated solely based on the level of their financial growth
, while
others argue that growth
in other fields can be evaluation standards for the extent of success. I firmly believe that other factors such
as higher levels of education
systems
and advanced technologies
are more likely to make a great contribution to national success.
Many people
often insist that the evaluation of nations
' success can be achieved by measuring how much their economies grow with specific measuring tools, including rising GDP, the increasing prices of nations
in global stock markets, and the positive currency flow. However
, there are other elements that greatly contribute to national growth
such
as the level of education
and technology. Concerning educational influence, nations
with intensive and organized systems
for education
are more inclined towards generating talented people
in various spheres, including IT, science, and medical fields. Therefore
, these outstanding and smart people
educated by advanced systems
are more inclined toward inventing innovative technologies
, thereby attracting considerable interest from people
all around the world. Consequently
, advanced technologies
dominate the global markets and this
case earn considerable economic revenue, greatly contributing to the respective nation.
The aforementioned elements are more significant rather than economic growth
itself since they are underlying factors for economic growth
. For example
, South Korea and China, renowned for the most enhanced education
cities, have solid educational curricula through school ages, from teaching basic knowledge early on during their elementary years to intensified education
in their high school ages, which are almost equivalent to the level of university students in other countries. Specifically, in the fields of math and technology, they showcased outstanding advancements, generating numerous competent scientists and IT developers. Consequently
, such
a huge movement in education
and technologies
naturally connects to financial growth
since they are more likely to invent state-of-the-art products and technologies
. EV vehicles and palm payment systems
invented by China are representative examples,
Remove the comma
apply
while
dominating global technological markets. This
dominance lies in their intensive education
and training.
In conclusion, while
it is undeniably true that the growth
of countries originates from their economic advancements, I completely contend that the higher levels of education
and technologies
in their countries have a key role in concluding national growth
.Submitted by uzookim on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a well-rounded argument considering both views. To further improve, ensure you consistently use varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is well-organized, with ideas flowing smoothly from one to the next. However, making transitions between paragraphs more explicit can further strengthen coherence.
coherence cohesion
Though your main points are well-supported, consider integrating more counterarguments and addressing potential criticisms of your viewpoint for a more balanced analysis.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly lays out the central argument and sets up the essay effectively. This creates a strong foundation for your discussion.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as those of South Korea and China, which significantly enhance the credibility of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion aptly summarises the essay's main points and reinforces your argument, giving a coherent end to the essay.