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Writing Samples
Band 7

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anyone is more important than economic progress?

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Many are of the opinion that whether
nations
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 are successful is evaluated solely based on the level of their financial
growth
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,
while
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 others argue that
growth
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 in other fields can be evaluation standards for the extent of success. I firmly believe that other factors
such
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 as higher levels of
education
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systems
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 and advanced
technologies
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 are more likely to make a great contribution to national success. Many
people
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 often insist that the evaluation of
nations
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' success can be achieved by measuring how much their economies grow with specific measuring tools, including rising GDP, the increasing prices of
nations
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 in global stock markets, and the positive currency flow.
However
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, there are other elements that greatly contribute to national
growth
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such
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 as the level of
education
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 and technology. Concerning educational influence,
nations
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 with intensive and organized
systems
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 for
education
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 are more inclined towards generating talented
people
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 in various spheres, including IT, science, and medical fields.
Therefore
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, these outstanding and smart
people
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 educated by advanced
systems
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 are more inclined toward inventing innovative
technologies
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, thereby attracting considerable interest from
people
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 all around the world.
Consequently
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, advanced
technologies
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 dominate the global markets and
this
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 case earn considerable economic revenue, greatly contributing to the respective nation. The aforementioned elements are more significant rather than economic
growth
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 itself since they are underlying factors for economic
growth
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.
For example
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, South Korea and China, renowned for the most enhanced
education
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 cities, have solid educational curricula through school ages, from teaching basic knowledge early on during their elementary years to intensified
education
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 in their high school ages, which are almost equivalent to the level of university students in other countries. Specifically, in the fields of math and technology, they showcased outstanding advancements, generating numerous competent scientists and IT developers.
Consequently
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,
such
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 a huge movement in
education
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 and
technologies
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 naturally connects to financial
growth
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 since they are more likely to invent state-of-the-art products and
technologies
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. EV vehicles and palm payment
systems
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 invented by China are representative examples
,
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apply
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while
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 dominating global technological markets.
This
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 dominance lies in their intensive
education
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 and training. In conclusion,
while
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 it is undeniably true that the
growth
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 of countries originates from their economic advancements, I completely contend that the higher levels of
education
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 and
technologies
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 in their countries have a key role in concluding national
growth
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.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a well-rounded argument considering both views. To further improve, ensure you consistently use varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is well-organized, with ideas flowing smoothly from one to the next. However, making transitions between paragraphs more explicit can further strengthen coherence.
coherence cohesion
Though your main points are well-supported, consider integrating more counterarguments and addressing potential criticisms of your viewpoint for a more balanced analysis.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly lays out the central argument and sets up the essay effectively. This creates a strong foundation for your discussion.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as those of South Korea and China, which significantly enhance the credibility of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion aptly summarises the essay's main points and reinforces your argument, giving a coherent end to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • social well-being
  • healthcare
  • education
  • social equality
  • environmental sustainability
  • sustainable development
  • natural resources
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • resource depletion
  • political stability
  • rule of law
  • democratic governance
  • corruption
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • work-life balance
  • happiness
  • technological development
  • infrastructure development
  • standard of living
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