IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening ? Do you think this is an appropriate use of governments money?

#countries #governments #technology #money
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In the modern era, a lot of countries all over the world, are now spending money on new
technology
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 to communicate with
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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 in society.
This
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 writer will show why
this
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 case happening, and show you the agreement of using
this
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 salary in modern automation. Beginning with the reason why many countries investing in AI and robots. In
this
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 4.0 era, people are becoming more dependent on the internet and using machinery in the industry to develop their people. What is more with the new
technology
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, when governments use it in school are very good. So with the vital of new electrical inventions, when the government spend property on them, they can make the public feel more relaxed and more convenient in their life. With other thinking, when many
country
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's governments spend payment on
this
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 new era, they can gain a lot of positive things.
For example
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, with
this
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 new
technology
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, people feel more comfortable in service and have a good view of government, from that, folk in their
country
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 will have good behaviour and the authority can earn a lot of money with new
technology
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 in the future, so that they can reach with another
country
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 in the world. In conclusion, new
technology
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 is good so the government should be investing money
it
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in it
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 so that their
country
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 can develop and their residents can trust them more in future.
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Task Achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and your standpoint well. To enhance task achievement, ensure that your main ideas are fully developed and supported by specific examples or further explanation. This helps demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to convey your points more effectively. This will also help in making your essay more engaging and coherent.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain a clear logical progression throughout your essay. A good way to do this is by planning your essay before writing, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences that relate directly to your main argument.
Task Achievement
Introduced the topic and your standpoint effectively at the beginning.
Task Achievement
Made an effort to argue in favor of governmental investment in new technology, showing some level of analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Attempted to create connections between ideas and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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