In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this hapenning? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?
In the ever-progressive society , a huge fortune is invested in state-of-the-art technological devices to get
the
handle on the public throughout many nations . Correct article usage
a
This
development is occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
due to
the demand of
automatic process of manufacturing. The writer believes that it is not Change preposition
for
such
a waste of investment from government
.
It is interesting to understand that automation plays a crucial role in production fields . It should be acknowledged that Correct article usage
the government
by
using AI or some cutting-edge machines Change preposition
apply
tend
to increase the productivity of work .Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
This
is due to
the fact that these high-tech machines working
a whole day without being exhausted and Wrong verb form
work
there
morale and conditions are still excellent despite the overloaded tasks . Correct your spelling
their
Consequently
, most manufacturing fields have a tendency to have a breakthrough in the number of products and can support owners with financial problems . Take Correct article usage
the Covid-19
Covid-19
period , which is Correct your spelling
COVID-19
harsh
and complicated season for most Add an article
the harsh
a harsh
corporation
, Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
that is
why advanced technologies are applied to generate products in order to cut down great
amount of employees , as an interesting instance . Add an article
a great
Thus
, this
phenomenon has a positive impact on both private companies and government.
Another point should
be considered Correct pronoun usage
that should
that is
investing in up-to-the-minute technologies is worthwhile . It should be noted that the more ultramodern technological applications , the more advantageous factors it bring to the public . This
is because robots and intelligent artificial may maximize convenience
of life and difficult tasks .Add an article
the convenience
As a result
, more and more residents are dedicated to work
for the government and Wrong verb form
working
this
organization tend
to receive more money than their investment . Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
For example
, AI is applied widely to many accommodation
that bring lots of benefits to citizens in their security and comfort . Change to a plural noun
accommodations
Hence
, these machines is
highly necessary for governments to develop countries
In conclusion, high-tech devices play an important role in Change the verb form
are
manufacturing
process, which helps to Add an article
the manufacturing
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
humans
infrastructure . Change the noun form
human
Furthermore
, the
governments should pay more money in the technological fields to improve the Correct article usage
apply
better
quality of life and work
.Correct word choice
apply
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Tone and Style
Try to maintain a more consistent and formal tone throughout your essay, which might include avoiding overly casual or conversational phrases.
Example Usage
Use examples that are specific and directly related to the prompt to strengthen your argument. While the COVID-19 point was good, more varied examples could enhance your answer.
Grammar and Accuracy
Be aware of minor grammatical errors and typos which can slightly impact the readability of your essay. Proofreading can help to minimize these errors.
Structure
Your essay's structure is commendable, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion.
Content Understanding
You've shown a good understanding of the topic and provided a reasoned argument in support of your view.
Vocabulary Use
Your utilization of topic-specific vocabulary, like 'state-of-the-art', 'automation', 'ultramodern', shows a strong command of language relevant to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example