IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries govrnments are investing in new technology to deal with the public why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #govrnments #technology #government #money
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Presently, greater and greater authorities from principal nations are trying to update and expand modern technology to make a connection with the general public.
This
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 fact is
due to
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 the amount of data or news that governments want them to know. In
this
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 author’s opinion, that money pays for its development is extremely valid. Information has never been more crucial, and it will continue to rise in importance daily.
For example
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, in those countries, there is less unemployment the more information and understanding people possess. The primary cause of
this
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 phenomenon is the abundance of useful information about a positive work environment and, occasionally, about modern, efficient education. Consider Vietnam as an example. The most well-known national news show, VTV1, consistently updates fresh data, including university exam databases, new teaching strategies, and new marking techniques.
Although
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 some claim that spending a fortune on new technologies is pointless, the author disagrees. The more intelligent we are, the safer we are against threats like wildlife and natural calamities like tsunamis, volcanoes, and con artists. Because we can avoid it, deceiving someone these days is more challenging.
For example
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, the VTV1 main news segment discusses disasters in the northern region of Vietnam, innovative approaches from some educational institutions, and the most recent developments in theft and counterfeiting schemes. Governments throughout the world attempt to identify those who utilize modern technologies to gain access to power and a multitude of statistics and data that can
last
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 for minutes. Because contemporary intelligence has been beneficial, governments ought to contribute that money to its advancement.
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help provide structure. However, you could make the introduction more engaging, and the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing your arguments.
supported main points
Ensure all your claims are consistently supported with specific examples to make your argumentation more convincing. For example, you could elaborate on how investing in technology directly benefits both the government and the public in measurable ways.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some parts of the essay are not very clearly articulated, which can make it harder for the reader to follow your arguments. Consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence.
complete response
Your essay addresses the prompt and covers why governments are investing in new technology and whether it is an appropriate use of funds.
relevant specific examples
The essay contains relevant examples, like the VTV1 channel in Vietnam, to illustrate your points.
logical structure
You maintain a logical structure throughout your essay, which helps the reader follow your reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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