IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that governments should invest mainly in making public transportation faster while other think there are more important priorities (cost, the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People can be separated into different groups when they talk about communal vehicles. Some believe that it is fundamental that governments invest massive budgets to construct faster transportation, meanwhile, others say that the government should be concerned about practical issues like cost and green ecosystem. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both perspectives and give reasons why I agree with the first opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, connectivity is fundamental, specifically if we want to boost the national economy by developing faster transportation.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government of Indonesia has constructed a faster train that connects Jakarta as the capital. Based on that, the distance between both cities can be reached quickly, so people who have business in those locations can travel and goods can be distributed instantly.
As a result
Linking Words
, if the government is concerned about
this
Linking Words
 issue, long distances will never be a problem again.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, numerous citizens disagree with the earlier example because it can cause problems
such
Linking Words
 as increasing costs and damage to our ecosystem.
For example
Linking Words
, after the faster route has been constructed between Jakarta and Bandung, the public says the tickets are expensive.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it can produce an assumption that the previous vehicles
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 built just for the rich society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of train needs heavy energy,
Consequently
Linking Words
, fossil power plants as the main source of electricity have to produce more, increasing air pollution.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I declare my position that elaborating on quick mass vehicles is necessary
due to
Linking Words
 it can decrease time allocation when people travel.
Moreover
Linking Words
, exceptional connectivity can support wealth for the state because countless goods can be sent quickly.
However
Linking Words
, public policymakers should decrease the price to ensure everyone can enjoy it.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is mandatory to use alternative power to reduce air pollution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a larger variety of linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion of your essay. Repetition of certain conjunctions was noted.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, elegantly restate your main points and opinion without introducing new information to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both views presented and providing a clear opinion. While you did this, more detailed explanations to support each view could strengthen the response.
task achievement
Try to elaborate your ideas further and provide more in-depth analysis. This will ensure that your essay is comprehensive and your ideas are fully developed.
task achievement
Use a wider range of examples, including some specific examples to support your argument. Doing so can enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: