IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the rise in living standard only benefits cities rather than rural areas. What problems can be caused? How to reduce these problems?

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Today is known as the era of centralization. From
this
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 aspect, questions that the rise in living standards only benefits
cities
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 rather than rural
areas
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 are raised.
This
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 essay will illustrate what
problems
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 can be caused and ways to reduce these
problems
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. Two main
problems
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 caused by imbalanced living standards between
cities
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 and regional
areas
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 can be suggested. Evidently, a shortage of workers in rural
areas
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 is one of the
problems
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.
This
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 is because a high number of them have moved to
cities
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 in hopes of finding jobs with improved working conditions and job security. What is more, a severely dense population in
cities
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 is the other concern. In actual fact, economic studies undertaken by experts have revealed that countless people decide to dwell in
cities
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 (where are) equipped with quality education, systematic medical services, and convenient facilities like public transportation.
This
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 undoubtedly causes air pollution, traffic congestion, a high rate of crimes, and fierce competition in employment, and
this
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 in turn results in a low sense of happiness
as well as
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 poor mental health.
However
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, countermeasures to address these
problems
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 are found. At
first,
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the government ought to make efforts to decentralise. In doing so, industries and businesses would relocate to regional
areas
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 outside big
cities
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.
Moreover
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, education as to severe centralisation should be carried out since individuals are unaware of its negative consequences that could affect local
as well as
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 national economic growth. To recapitulate, the
problems
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 of imbalanced living standards between
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional
areas
Use synonyms
 are a shortage of workers in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and a severely dense population in
cities
Use synonyms
.
However
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, governmental intervention
as well as
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 education are suggested as solutions.

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Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. While broader impacts are discussed, adding detailed examples would strengthen your analysis.
Task Achievement
Explore a wider range of ideas in your essay. Your essay effectively addresses the central concerns but could benefit from more varied insights or solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity in your expression and avoid typographical errors ('where are') to further enhance your essay's quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, effectively guiding the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your discussion well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main points are well-supported and contribute to a cohesive argument throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Your response thoroughly addresses the question, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
Task Achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas that readily express your viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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