Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These days some people think that
art
is one
of the important subjects
for teaching to pupils in high school
, some argue that many children have been spending time
uselessly mastering this
subject. While
art
is interesting and compelling, I completely disagree with this
viewpoint, because it can take valuable time
. I believe that academic subjects
have to be added instead
of art
by school
organizations.
On the one
hand,one
of the best-known subjects
has been art
for the past era and by drawing and painting, people have a rest. Firstly
, it is common knowledge that art
can lead to improved worldview, and enhance cognitive function, problem-solving skills, and creativity among all children. Secondly
, by organizing art
subjects
, more and more feelings related to stress and anxiety levels can be reduced substantially.This
is exactliefied by, creating art
has been shown to decrease stress and anxiety levels by providing a therapeutic and calming outlet for expressing emotions and thoughts.
On the other hand
, although
the profession of art
has significant benefits for children's mindset, it has a lot of negative impacts on teaching. It is not a secret that art
may be explained by school
teachers one
or two times a week, however
, it is always to waste of time
for students. Arguably, school
organizations have to manage schedules, and it is noteworthy that they must add academic subjects
instead
of art
to prepare for University. In other words
, engaging in artistic activities often requires time
, energy, and resources, such
as materials, space, and equipment, which may be limited or not easily accessible to everyone. For example
, lacking enough resources, can cause stress and distraction and through this
artistic work can not be well-organized.
In conclusion, if art
subjects
were taken off the school
timetable, it would likely be beneficial. Thus
, I believe that academic subjects
are more useful than art
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction Enhancement
Your introduction sets a clear direction for the discussion, but it would benefit from a more nuanced presentation of the views. A brief mention of why art might be considered valuable, in contrast to the view that it takes valuable time, could enhance your introduction.
Argument Development
While you've presented arguments for both views, there's an opportunity to deepen the analysis. Consider exploring more diverse perspectives and the potential impact of art education beyond just the individual, such as its effect on society or cultural appreciation.
Evidence Use
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence. For instance, referencing studies or statistics related to the benefits of art in education, or examples of schools successfully integrating art with academic subjects, could strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but transitions between points can be smoother. Phrases like 'on the other hand' and 'for example' are used well, but additional linking phrases and a clearer distinction between paragraphs could improve readability.
Conclusion Enhancement
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and clearly states your viewpoint. Restating the main arguments briefly before presenting your opinion helps reinforce your stance for the reader.
Balanced Discussion
You've managed to address both sides of the argument, which is crucial in a 'Discuss both views' essay type. Well done on maintaining a balanced discussion.
Essay Structure
Your essay demonstrates a strong sense of structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. This organization aids in the overall coherence of your response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!