IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Popular events like football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

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It is believed that some ubiquitous
events
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 around the world play a vital role in alleviating tensions among the
countries
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as well as
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 showing their emotions towards their
country
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 safely.
While
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 I agree with
this
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 standpoint partially,I think that it can lead to deterioration in the
situation
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.
Firstly
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,international occasions help to appease hostility among
countries
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.
This
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 is because they bring
people
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 around the world together and help to create interconnected bonds and in
this
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 case,
people
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 release positive opinions towards each other.
For example
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,
due to
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 the Champions League in football ,
people
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 go to support their teams and those who support the same one, show positive opinions towards each other
therefore
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,it plays a necessary role in easing international hostility.
Moreover
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,I consider that popular
events
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 can be a good way in terms of
people
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 to show their love for their
country
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 without fear as it is a safe form of competition.
Due to
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 these
events
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,
countries
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 show their power without fighting or killing someone.
For instance
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,the football World Cup is protected by many organizations,and individuals release their patriotic emotions towards the
team
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 of their own
country
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.
On the other hand
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 , I believe that sports or other
events
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 contribute to a
further
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 increase in tension among populations because they claim that individuals represent their
country
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 as if they fight them .To cite an example,when Azerbaijan's
team
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 encounter Armenia's
team
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,they can turn sports
events
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 into their personal problems,and even they can kill each other which leads to getting worse of
situation
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 . Taking everything into account,
although
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 some popular occasions can help to appease hostility among
countries
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 by creating an interconnected bond and
due to
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 them ,individuals can release their love to the
team
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 of their own
country
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 safely,I consider that it can be attributable to the getting worse of the
situation
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 by creating a
situation
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 to fight each other

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Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of varying sentence structures to enhance readability and coherence. Mixing complex and simple sentences can make your argument more dynamic.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary specific to the topic. Utilize synonyms and topic-specific terminology to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the subject.
Task Achievement
For a stronger argument, consider providing more detailed examples that support your point. This enhances clarity and persuasion.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view, considering both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a high task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, effectively framing your essay's argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay well, logically ordering your paragraphs and ideas, which aids in the reader's understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • mutual respect
  • prejudices
  • stereotypes
  • friendly competition
  • sportsmanship
  • cultural and national identity
  • diplomatic tool
  • informal discussions
  • political tensions
  • universal appeal
  • global community
  • shared experiences
  • excessive patriotism
  • negative nationalism
  • responsibly
What to do next:
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