IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You are a foreign student. You want to join the club or society so that you can enjoy your time when you study there. Write to the student union manager. in your letter Introduce yourself Write about your hobbies and interests Ask for information about clubs and societies

#student #club #society #time #study #union #manager #hobbies #interests #information #clubs #societies
Dear sir, I am writing
this
 letter to get more information about clubs and societies which will help me to engage and to continue my hobbies. My name is Rohit Sharma, enrolled in MBA,
last
 month. Basically, I am from India, Punjab and I immigrated here for
further
 study. It has been my dream to get admission to your University since my childhood.
Finally
, I received my invitation after a long wait. I have a keen interest in arts and crafts.
Also
, I won some prizes on a national level in my Country which I have attended with my enrollment forms.
In addition
, I love to do volunteer work especially to protect the environment as we know these days, we are not safe
due to
 several issues around us. So, by getting admission and helping them I can make a little participation to save earth. Could you send me some information about
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 clubs and societies with details and how I can join them
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Also
, let me know how much is membership fees and meeting schedules. I hope to hear a prompt response from your side regarding my interest. Yours sincerely, Rohit.
Submitted by harmandeep51075 on

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structure
Consider breaking down your second paragraph into two separate paragraphs to improve clarity and readability.
content
You could elaborate a bit more on why you are interested in clubs and societies related to your hobbies and how you think they would benefit your personal and academic growth.
style
A more detailed closing that reiterates your request might add a stronger finish to your letter.
task achievement
The letter covers all aspects of the task, including an introduction, discussing hobbies and interests, and requesting information.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and suitable for a formal request to the student union manager.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is generally well-organized with a clear progression from one point to the next.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foreign student
  • enroll
  • student union manager
  • hobbies
  • interests
  • clubs and societies
  • join
  • enjoy
  • recreational pursuits
  • identify
  • activities
  • range
  • available
  • meeting schedules
  • membership fees
  • informed choice
  • eagerness to get involved
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