IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #space #exploration #waste #governments #benefit #nation
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There can be little doubt that the government completely wastes a large amount of
money
 on
exploration
 outside the earth,
while
 the government can spend
this
money
 on other national priorities. The writer of
this
 essay argues that the
money
 that was spent on
space
exploration
 is an entire loss because of environmental pollution and uncertain returns on investment. It is vital to understand that
space
 programmes always lead to serious problems for the environment.
This
 is because flying objects
such
 as spaceships and satellites release various wastes and other toxic chemical substances.
Moreover
, launching the spaceship requires a lot of fossil fuels, which release emissions,
for instance
, CO2 and O2.
Therefore
, it is extremely harmful to the
air
,
as well as
 emissions from flying objects can lead to
air
 pollution and the greenhouse effect. To exemplify
this
,
according to
 the research in the USA that measured the
air
 quality index (AQI). In
further
 detail, AQI is a standardized system used to measure and report
air
 quality levels. It is evident that the areas that surround
space
 program sites have significantly increased by around 100 points. Another point
that is
 worth considering is the low-interest return from
space
exploration
.
In other words
, despite the high cost of the investment, the
space
 programmes often failed which was caused by some predictable factors
such
 as weather and the orbit of meteors.
For example
, in 2023, the SPTS satellite, which belonged to NASA, was blown up after accidentally hitting one of the natural meteors.
As a consequence
, investing in
space
exploration
 is a risky decision.
Hence
, taking all points into account, it has been demonstrated that governments are completely wrong when investing in the
exploration
 of the universe.
Thus
,
it is clear that
 the amount of
money
 spent on
space
exploration
 projects should be used for other national priorities.
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task achievement
To further enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, consider elaborating on each point with more examples or explanations. For example, delve deeper into the environmental impacts and provide more data or case studies to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Smooth the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a more seamless flow of ideas. For instance, use transitional phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand' to link your arguments more cohesively.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the prompt, addressing both environmental impacts and financial risks associated with space exploration.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-presented and clearly outline the essay's main argument.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples to support the main points, such as the pollution data and the NASA satellite incident.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
What to do next:
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