Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, the debate about
children
's responsibility has controversial opinions. Some individuals think that kids who do not experience any restrictions about everyday matters can grow into egoistic and selfish people in society. Others believe that making decisions about such
things is crucial for a younger generation. This
essay will discuss both opposite ideas and give my concluding view.
Supporters of education without restrictions argue that children
with this
type of parenting will be more responsible in the future. For example
, if parents prohibit their child choosing
a hobby, which he or she desires to do, or having a unique style, Change preposition
from choosing
this
may affect on person's decision-making skills. Additionally
, making choices can help the younger generation to become more self-confident, as they can, for instance
, create their own daily schedule of leisure, homework or extra hobby classes at school. Mistakes, that they may experience during created
routine of the day, will give them Add an article
the created
a created
understanding
of the consequences of their decisions and increase confidence.
Add an article
an understanding
the understanding
On the other hand
, some people are sure that children
without parents' guidance become less empathic to other people's wishes. This
may be caused, if individual choices are overemphasized and without any fair judgment. Moreover
, such
type of behavior will steal children
's carelessness which is a common feature of the young generation. To iilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
this
, if a young person has to be responsible for choosing the educational program for the next school year, this
may overwhelm him or her and make
a lot of stress. It is necessary for them to feel support and get advice from their parents Verb problem
cause
due to
the
lack of experience.
In conclusion, I think that having your own choices of what you would like to do, Change the word
their
or
wear, or eat Correct word choice
apply
and
etc. in Correct word choice
apply
the
childhood is Correct article usage
apply
the
important part of becoming a responsible and and self-confident person. Correct article usage
an
Likewise
, in some questions about education parenting will play a good role.Submitted by pusheen.sveta on
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task achievement
Ensure the essay directly and clearly addresses both views and your own opinion throughout, linking them seamlessly for a stronger argument.
task achievement
For an improved score, work on integrating examples that are more specific and directly relevant to the arguments being made. This adds depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good logical structure, but consider varying sentence structures more effectively and using linking words to enhance flow and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the conclusion to ensure it strongly reaffirms your stance while effectively summarizing both sides of the debate for a cohesive end.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, setting a strong framework for the essay and effectively summarizing your stance.
coherence cohesion
You effectively used paragraphs to organize your essay, enhancing its readability and coherence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example