Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child’s education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It has been argued by many people that athletic exercises are more essential for young
learners
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' learning than concentrating on academic subjects in school. I believe both perspectives are valid and contribute to developing juveniles' knowledge. In the following paragraph, I will discuss both views, illustrated with my point of view.
To begin
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with, athletics have positive effects on youth's mental and physical health. It is observed that kids who are directed to practice different kinds of exercises have less stress, and they have a high level of motivation and confidence.
Moreover
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, physical practices helped in reducing the weight of some young students. Running,
for example
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, has been proven in studies to it can be a great factor in minimising anxiety, and it
also
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plays a vital role in decreasing the obesity of some juveniles.
Furthermore
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, Football playing has
also
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been proven to keep kids highly motivated, particularly young boys. I strongly believe that athletics is a significant class that should not be overlooked by educators, as it has positive impacts. To extend, academic learning is a core aspect of cognitive knowledge. Young
learners
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in academic institutions have the opportunity to learn reading, writing and speaking. And
as a result
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,
this
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will lead them to have a comprehensive understanding of different subject matters.
For instance
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, in a conducted study about critical reading among young
learners
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, it has been noticed that without knowing how to read and grasp the meaning,
learners
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will lag behind in other courses. I personally feel that school learning is an ongoing process that promotes students' success in other subjects. In conclusion, I entirely believe that both working out and academic learning are of the same level of importance. As sport has an influence on youth's mental and physical health, academic subjects
also
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increase their intellectual thinking.

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task response
Make your main ideas clearer and more balanced with strong examples for each view.
grammar
Use shorter sentences and correct grammar to improve accuracy and ease of read.
coherence
Link ideas with clear sign words (for example, but, however, also, in addition) to help flow.
lexis
Keep to simple words; avoid long, odd phrases; this helps the point seem more true.
structure
End with a clear conclusion that restates your view.
content
You show a clear stance that both views matter.
structure
There is a basic structure with introduction, two body paragraphs and conclusion.
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