Many museums charge for admission while few others are free. Do the advantages of charging a fee outweigh its disadvantages?

It is
seeing
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
that large numbers of
museums
acquired admission dues;
whereas
, some of the
museums
are not restricted to
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
for entry into the
museum
. In
this
essay, I will weigh up the benefits and drawbacks
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
phenomenon with pertinent notions and will be explicated
further
in detail. To commence, with the pre-eminent benefits of charging entry
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
by
enlarge
Wrong verb form
enlarged
show examples
museums
.
This
trend has innumerable infinite positive aspects to maintain and retain the worth of
museums
. To be more precise, in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
it will not be only the responsibility of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
to feel abandoned to spend on historical placements to keep regulate and manage them.
Besides
that, citizens will visit each side of the
museum
with
concentration
Add an article
a concentration
show examples
on
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
visit, when they know they have to pay it for the next time.
A pupils
Correct the article-noun agreement
Pupils
show examples
are
standout
Add an article
a standout
show examples
example of it, they
visits
Change the verb form
visit
show examples
by submitting trip charges to the school authority for the
museum
trips.
These
Change the determiner
This
show examples
money is
lucarative
Correct your spelling
lucrative
for the
museum
administration.
On the other hand
,
museums
without being charged are always filled with laymen, and there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
security and stable management. The condition of those
museums
are miserable
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and are used only for picnic spots rather than educational or historical purposes.
For example
, ordinary people only visit to spend their free time without knowing the value of
museum
features and physical aspects. Specifically in Lahore
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
, which is free of cost for everyone,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
alway
Correct your spelling
always
occupied
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
huge numbers of people.
Consequently
, it has lost the original values of available handicrafts and monuments. It has waned the history of cultural heritage.
To conclude
, these both above mentioned
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
the advantages are exceeded rather than
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. Countless benefits are found in those
museums
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
charged
Wrong verb form
charge
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors to regulate the
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
of
museums
Change noun form
museums'
museum's
show examples
features than
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
those
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
do not charge and
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
like recreational
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
only.
Submitted by amnamunir764 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay clearly, dividing it into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea. Your essay has a good structure, but further clarity in separating points would enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. You've mentioned instances like pupils visiting museums and the Lahore museum; more detailed examples or data would strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Focus on varying your vocabulary to avoid repetition of phrases like 'museums are not restricted to pay fee for entry'. Using synonyms and varied expressions will make your essay more engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transition words to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly, which you've started to do but can be improved.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, looking at both sides of the issue before coming to a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion nicely frame your argument, clearly stating your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: