IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys

#parents #children #toys #child
It is true that many
parents
 purchase a multitude of playthings for their offspring. Whether or not
this
 is a good thing for the
child
 is a moot point. On the face of it the advantages seem most apparent, but could there be a downside to
this
 phenomenon of devoted parenting as well? Most people would consider children who have many
toys
 to be the fortunate ones. Interesting things to play with stimulate many positives in the young boy or girl,
such
 as optimum brain development, hand-eye coordination and colour recognition, apart from the simple joy of playing. Modern
toys
 are designed to be educational
as well as
 fun, and concerned
parents
 carefully select products which might speed their
child
's acquisition of numbers of the alphabet. Is it possible that owning multiple
toys
 could be in any way detrimental to a
child
?
This
 is an unusual question , but there are some hidden pitfalls. For one, wealthy
parents
 might spoil their son or daughter by showering him / her with
toys
, resulting in a negative effect on the
child
's character. For another, a growing
child
's concentration span may suffer if they are constantly surrounded by too many tempting objects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they become unable to focus on any one game for a decent length of time before being distracted. On the social side, older children may become targets of envy from classmates, if they are perceived as having far more possessions than their peers.
Finally
, the majority of
toys
 today are made of plastic which commonly contains the chemical BPA, proven to be dangerous for infants to suck on or ingest. It is clear
then
 that
this
 situation is not as straightforward as it first appears. It would seem that one of the many duties of
parents
 is to make an informed choice about how many
toys
 they buy for their young ones.
Submitted by b.tanvi1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure a balance in essay structure, dedicating sufficient space to explore both advantages and disadvantages equally.
Content
Consider including more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments on both sides.
Accuracy
Be cautious with generalisations, particularly regarding the negative impacts of having too many toys, and provide evidence or cite sources to support your claims.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys.
Balance
Your essay provides a well-balanced view on the topic, considering both the positive and negative aspects effectively.
Language
Effective use of vocabulary to describe complex ideas and maintain the reader's interest.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: