In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree?
The number of
people
who suffer from Use synonyms
health
conditions is rising in several states Use synonyms
due to
fast Linking Words
food
overconsumption, and it argues that states should charge more Use synonyms
tax
on Use synonyms
this
type of Linking Words
food
. Use synonyms
This
essay sides with the regulation because it appears to be able to reduce the demand for junk Linking Words
food
, and the Use synonyms
tax
could be utilised to subsidise healthier Use synonyms
food
.
The Use synonyms
tax
policy results in higher prices of products, which can impact society's buying power. In Use synonyms
this
circumstance, Linking Words
people
tend to prefer more affordable Use synonyms
foods
, and since unhealthy Use synonyms
foods
are being taxed, nutritious Use synonyms
foods
are supposed to be cheaper, which becomes their preference. Use synonyms
For instance
, the normal price of a McDonald's burger is 5 dollars, and by charging it with a 5% Linking Words
tax
rate, Use synonyms
people
most likely choose Use synonyms
salad
for only 3 dollars or less. Add an article
a salad
Therefore
, they gradually shift to a healthier diet.
The fund that arises from taxation later can be used to provide more decent and accessible Linking Words
health
care for society. Lower hospital costs, mainly for general check-ups, could improve Use synonyms
people
's awareness of their body conditions. As an example, governments can provide their citizens with affordable Use synonyms
health
insurance, and Use synonyms
people
can take advantage of it to maintain their well-being. It means that the Use synonyms
health
levels in those countries are rising.
In conclusion, fast Use synonyms
foods
are a type of Use synonyms
food
that Use synonyms
are
unhealthy for Change the verb form
is
Correct article usage
the human’s
human’s
body; Change noun form
human
thus
, Linking Words
tax
regulations for those kinds of Use synonyms
foods
are possibly encouraging Use synonyms
people
to change their diets Use synonyms
due to
the rising prices of fast Linking Words
food
and public healthcare improvement.Use synonyms
Submitted by paslonbahagia on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done well in structuring your essay with a logical flow. However, try to vary your linking words more to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
To further develop your main points, it would be beneficial to include more detailed examples and possibly statistics to support your arguments.
Lexical Resource
Be mindful of repetition in your phrasing and word choice. Introducing a wider range of vocabulary would improve the quality of your essay.
Conclusion
A more detailed concluding paragraph that summarizes your arguments clearly and concisely would reinforce your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
This essay effectively articulates a clear position on the topic with relevant, though somewhat general, examples.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview and summary of your argument, which is good practice in essay writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion, is commendable and aids in readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.