In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast transport for cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is generally believed that
,
a few individuals believe that lots of Remove the comma
apply
fund
Change to a plural noun
funds
is
needed to enhance the current public transport. Change the verb form
are
While
some others consider it’s
better to allocate it to build new railway routes for fast trains connecting to other cities. In this
essay, I will discuss both of these perspectives.
On one
hand, enhancing current public transport would provide plenty of benefits. By improving Correct article usage
the one
the
public transport, Correct article usage
apply
it’s
possible to reduce the cost of commutes and attract more people to use the shared conveyance. Furthermore
, the number of private vehicle
would decrease, and Change to a plural noun
vehicles
also
the pollution produced. People’s health are
affected too, because of the reduced pollution and the Change the verb form
is
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
of
physical movement in transit. Singapore is the best example Change preposition
for
for
Change preposition
of
this
, with its great mass transit facility, people tend to use it more and it’s
really Unnecessary verb
it
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
on
its Change preposition
apply
citizen
lifespan too.
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
On the other hand
, building fast trains between cities enable
folks to commute long distances. Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
Consequently
, people don’t need to rent near their offices, hence
the location are
not overcrowded. It is Change the verb form
is
also
helpful for tourist
to explore other cities for vacation. Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
For example
, in Jakarta, a lot of individuals want to go to Bandung at weekend
for Correct article usage
the weekend
holiday
, but the traffic Correct article usage
a holiday
jam
really Fix the agreement mistake
jams
obstruct
. After the government built Whoosh, Wrong verb form
obstructed
it’s
easier for the Wrong verb form
it was
citizen
to go Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
vacation
.
In conclusion, there are many benefits to both views. Change preposition
on vacation
However
, I agree that improving current public transit is more important. The impact to
cheaper mobilization, lower pollution, and health benefits is more needed for the citizen.Change preposition
of
Submitted by ridhokholis9a on
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Language Use
To enhance your essay, try to vary your sentence structure and use a wider range of vocabulary. This not only keeps the reader engaged but also demonstrates your language proficiency.
Exemplification
When discussing examples, delve a bit deeper into the specifics. While mentioning Singapore and Jakarta adds value to your argument, providing more detailed analysis or statistics could strengthen your points.
Conclusion
You've done well in introducing both views and providing a clear opinion in the conclusion. For even greater clarity, consider briefly summarizing the main arguments for each view in your conclusion.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure, making it easy for readers to follow your thoughts.
Example Use
You've effectively used examples such as Singapore and Jakarta to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your points.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, which frames your discussion effectively.