IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast transport for cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is generally believed that
,
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apply
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 a few individuals believe that lots of
fund
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funds
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is
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are
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 needed to enhance the current public transport.
While
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 some others consider
it’s
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 better to allocate it to build new railway routes for fast trains connecting to other cities. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both of these perspectives. On
one
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the one
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 hand, enhancing current public transport would provide plenty of benefits. By improving
the
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apply
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public transport,
it’s
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 possible to reduce the cost of commutes and attract more people to use the shared conveyance.
Furthermore
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, the number of private
vehicle
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vehicles
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 would decrease, and
also
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 the pollution produced. People’s health
are
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is
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 affected too, because of the reduced pollution and the
needs
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need
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of
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for
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 physical movement in transit. Singapore is the best example
for
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of
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this
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, with its great mass transit facility, people tend to use it more and
Use synonyms
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
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 really
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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on
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apply
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its
citizen
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citizens
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 lifespan too.
On the other hand
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, building fast trains between cities
enable
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enables
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 folks to commute long distances.
Consequently
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, people don’t need to rent near their offices,
hence
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 the location
are
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is
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 not overcrowded. It is
also
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 helpful for
tourist
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tourists
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 to explore other cities for vacation.
For example
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, in Jakarta, a lot of individuals want to go to Bandung at
weekend
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the weekend
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 for
holiday
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a holiday
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, but the traffic
jam
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jams
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 really
obstruct
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obstructed
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. After the government built Whoosh,
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it’s
Wrong verb form
it was
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 easier for the
citizen
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citizens
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 to go
vacation
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on vacation
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. In conclusion, there are many benefits to both views.
However
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, I agree that improving current public transit is more important. The impact
to
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of
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 cheaper mobilization, lower pollution, and health benefits is more needed for the citizen.

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Language Use
To enhance your essay, try to vary your sentence structure and use a wider range of vocabulary. This not only keeps the reader engaged but also demonstrates your language proficiency.
Exemplification
When discussing examples, delve a bit deeper into the specifics. While mentioning Singapore and Jakarta adds value to your argument, providing more detailed analysis or statistics could strengthen your points.
Conclusion
You've done well in introducing both views and providing a clear opinion in the conclusion. For even greater clarity, consider briefly summarizing the main arguments for each view in your conclusion.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure, making it easy for readers to follow your thoughts.
Example Use
You've effectively used examples such as Singapore and Jakarta to support your arguments, which adds credibility to your points.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, which frames your discussion effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic benefits
  • investing
  • construction
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • reduce travel time
  • congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • connectivity
  • regional development
  • critics
  • underfunded
  • infrastructure
  • sustainable
  • technology enhancements
  • real-time tracking
  • immediate benefits
  • balanced approach
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