IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #crimes #community #service* #prison #sentence #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In a few nations, individual who commit less serious
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
, like stealing or breaking any law, is made to undertake
community
Use synonyms
 service
instead
Linking Words
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others think that all individuals who have committed a
crime
Use synonyms
 might be sent to
jail
Use synonyms
. I am completely convinced with the first view because if a person steals something, it is a
crime
Use synonyms
 but he can not be counted in the category of criminal,
however
Linking Words
, to kill someone, or plan/do a big robbery is a big
crime
Use synonyms
. The people who agreed with the fact that a person who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 committed a
crime
Use synonyms
 should be sent to
jail
Use synonyms
 is not worth it.
In other words
Linking Words
, not every
crime
Use synonyms
 is counted as
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
, if a person steals something, he commit a
crime
Use synonyms
 but he should not be sentenced to prison
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 stealing is
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
show examples
 with robbery or
to kill
Change the verb form
killing
show examples
 someone. The environment of prison is not good for the people who committed a small
crime
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to encourage them to commit blunder. They should have
given
Add a missing verb
been given
show examples
 a chance to improve themselves by doing some
community
Use synonyms
 service work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they will not repeat that again. Moving towards another notion, the
criminals
Use synonyms
 who commit a big
crime
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as murder,
robbery
Correct word choice
or robbery
show examples
, should be sentenced to prison because these
criminals
Use synonyms
 are
threat
Add an article
a threat
show examples
 to society. Their mentality is different from normal human beings. The chance to work in
community
Use synonyms
 service could not help them to change their mentality.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the actual
criminals
Use synonyms
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
 to stay away from our
community
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, people who commit small
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 should be given a chance for improvement rather than to
jail
Use synonyms
 sentence. I am completely
convined
Correct your spelling
convinced
 with
this
Linking Words
 idea because
criminals
Use synonyms
 who commit big
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 are more likely to
sent
Add a missing verb
be sent
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
jail
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by maliksheetal32 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Beginning with a clear introduction and stating your opinion sets a strong tone for the essay. Aim to do this distinctly to guide the reader.
Language Use
Use varied sentence structures and more complex vocabulary to enhance your argument. This will make your essay more engaging and reflect a higher level of English proficiency.
Supporting Examples
Providing specific examples can effectively support your main points. Whenever possible, include real-world situations or hypothetical examples to illustrate your arguments more vividly.
Paragraph Structure
Strive for clearer paragraphing with specific topic sentences. Each paragraph should begin with a clear idea that is then explained and supported throughout the paragraph.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your essay's key points and your stance on the topic. A well-crafted conclusion reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
Position
Your essay clearly presents a stance, supporting the idea that not all crimes should receive prison sentences.
Argumentation
You effectively use comparisons to differentiate between minor and major crimes, supporting your argument for community service in certain cases.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: