IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some areas of the US, a "curfew" is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a partcular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

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In some regions of the US,
compulsary
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compulsory
 rules exist about curfew and youngsters must not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be out of the
doors
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 after a certain
time
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 at night unless they spend
time
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 with adults. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because the majority of crimes occur at night and
midnight
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,
also
Linking Words
, it may have
bed
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bad
show examples
 consequences on
thier
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their
life
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 and future. Nowadays, people
heard
Wrong verb form
hear
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 about different crimes
that
Correct word choice
and
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 the majority
of
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apply
show examples
occur at night. Youngsters, try to do
somthing
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something
 exciting without
focussing
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focusing
show examples
 on
their
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the
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 consequences like
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
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 and driving when they
drunk
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are drunk
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,
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apply
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 because they have no
experiences
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experience
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 and would rather have
joyful
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a joyful
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time
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. These kinds of activities can be harmful
for
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to
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 other community and their
life
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.
As a result
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, The government of
US
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the US
show examples
 make strong
regulation
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regulations
show examples
 to make
limitation
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limitations
show examples
 for being out of the
doors
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 at
midnight
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers who are under 18 in the UK can not spend
time
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 out of the
doors
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 after 11
midnight
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 without
thier
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their
parents
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending
time
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 out of the
doors
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 after
midnight
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 is not
purposeful
Correct article usage
a purposeful
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 activity.
In other words
Linking Words
, by being out of the
doors
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 at
midnight
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the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 waste their
time
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 and do not do any useful activities.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it will be their
habbit
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habit
 and
the
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they
show examples
 can not
abondon
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abandon
this
Linking Words
 activity and it may affect their education efficiency and family relationships.
Due to
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 that if they spend
time
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 out of the
doors
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 with adults,
parents
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 can control them to prevent bad effects on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
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.
For example
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, in Iran,
adolecense
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adolescence
adolescents
 spend most of their
time
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 in
street
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the street
show examples
 to find
girl
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a girl
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 or
boy friend
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boyfriend
show examples
 and it can be seen they can not concentrate on their professional
life
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. In conclusion, spending
time
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 out of the
doors
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 at
midnight
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 is
dangrous
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dangerous
acitivity
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activity
 for teenagers unless spend
time
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 with their
parents
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, because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 may perpetrate crime or do harmful activities,
moreover
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, they can not focus their professional
life
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 because they waste
time
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 and
parents
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 can
controlthem
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control them
.

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Grammar & Accuracy
Try to avoid making simple grammatical errors, as they can slightly distract from the clarity of your arguments. Consider revising phrases like 'must not to be out of the doors' to 'must not be outdoors' for increased accuracy and fluency.
Lexical Resource
Consider more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas. This can help make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Development & Support
While your essay provides a strong position and relevant examples, strive to develop your ideas further with deeper analysis and more varied supporting details. This can enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and coherent structure by linking your paragraphs and ideas more explicitly. Using phrases that signal contrast, addition, or cause and effect can help achieve this. For example, transitions like 'furthermore', 'on the other hand', or 'as a result' can provide clearer connections between your points.
Position
You took a clear stance on the topic and maintained it throughout the essay, which is excellent for achieving task completion.
Support & Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, such as referencing the situation in the UK and Iran, which helps to ground your arguments in real-world contexts.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay effectively, reaffirming your position and the main reasons behind it. A strong conclusion is crucial for a cohesive and persuasive essay.
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