IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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The majority of individuals say that living in the suburban area of the town and
also
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 villages is more beneficial for the
health
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 of people, for some think that one of the best environments exists in the developed
cities
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 which fosters either
health
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 or physical skills.
While
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cities
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 are a noticeable condition, these days the environment of the
cities
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 negatively on the number of individuals'
health
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.I completely disagree with
this
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 statement, because living in the villages is better for strength than city life. It is not a secret that there is a lot of harmfulness in the
cities
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 objection has been proved by scientists, mainly, in recent days, many air pollution and substantial contamination, by putting trash and empty water bottles here and there.
Secondly
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, one of the main arguments is chemical factories and the recycling of throwaway products lead to water and natural pollution.
This
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 is exemplified by, nowadays, the proportion taxing of the population of
cities
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 is representing a higher result with around 70%.
On the other hand
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, is it common knowledge that conserving
health
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 always depends on purely the environment and your circumstances in village life? By breathing in the fresh air, you can feel stronger and healthier when you start living there. It is noteworthy that even in the village condition you can do physical activities or do all tasks which give passion because it is more simpler thing than living in the
cities
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.
For example
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,more and more smart people are raised in the countryside. In conclusion,
although
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,
cities
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 have a lot of facilities for training and doing sports in different kinds of ways, they cannot be better than
countryside
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the countryside
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 for being healthier.
Furthermore
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, if air pollution increases, it will affect detrimentally to citizens.

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task achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement, aim to cover all parts of the prompt more effectively. This means providing a balanced discussion of both views, and then adding a reasoned personal opinion.
task achievement
Use clear, relevant examples to support your points. This makes your argument more persuasive and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more structured logical flow by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, at least one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introductory sentence to set the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly supported and extended with explanations or examples for better clarity and impact.
task achievement
You presented clear viewpoints on the benefits of living in the countryside over the city for health, which indicates an attempt to address the topic.
task achievement
Your essay included an attempt to compare city and countryside lifestyles, showing understanding of the need to discuss both views.
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