IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe that employers value work experience more than a university degree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some individuals
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that acquiring a high college degree would give them advantages
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 applying for jobs. Meanwhile, others may view that gaining work experience would create more impression to the employers. In my opinion, both factors are vital for the boss to consider. On one hand, achieving a university certificate can symbolize the standard for employees, meaning they have learned and acquired skills that are important and beneficial for real-life assignments.
In addition
Linking Words
, logical thinking, hard skills, or analysis skills could be obtained throughout the class, and those capabilities will be used and adapted to future careers.
For example
Linking Words
, in the work process, employees are required to use the Excel platform to perform tasks.
Hence
Linking Words
, the hard expertise learned from class can be applied to
this
Linking Words
 situation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of people would feel that the ones who have job experience will be able to adapt more effectively than others. Since they have been through certain assignments before,
also
Linking Words
 it would be easier for the manager to teach and explain the new task process, as the staff are getting used to
those stuff
Change the determiner
that stuff
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the candidate who registered for the software engineer position used to design UX/UI programs before. In consequence, those guys would not only have a fast learning curve, but they may
also
Linking Words
 create valuable alternatives for the team. In conclusion, both a certified degree and post-work experience are considered to be significant in applying for jobs,
whereas
Linking Words
 the ones who prioritized both two factors would be the best-selected persons.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and your opinion. This will provide a better roadmap for your readers.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve the flow of your writing. This will enhance coherence and maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. While your examples are relevant, providing additional detail could strengthen your points further.
task achievement
You successfully present both sides of the argument and provide your opinion clearly, which is important for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and the significance of both education and experience in the job market.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the mention of Excel and UX/UI design, illustrates your points well and provides a practical context for your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: