IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not exercise enough. What are the causes? What can be done to encourage them to exercise?

#doctors #people #exercise
Nowadays, it can be observed that old
people
 are not following the consistent exercise routine as suggested by doctors.
Due to
this
, they can have more
health
 issues. It can be improved by motivating them to follow the routine with
people
 of the same
age
. Aged
people
 usually have low immunity to naturally protect their bodies from diseases. They are prone to catch new
health
 problems that can be life-threatening at their
age
.
As a result
, their current body issues will get more worse, and eventually get to a point where it would be difficult to heal completely.
For instance
, if a person is experiencing joint pains and doesn't exercise to improve,
then
 it will not only make their joints weaker but
also
 create heart problems because of their tendency to not move their body parts. Old
people
 will feel motivated to do exercises if we teach them the benefits of having good
health
.
Moreover
, to establish the same objective, develop a group of
people
 who need a similar workout routine to recover from a common problem.
As a consequence
, they will feel motivated after seeing other
people
 of similar
age
 following the exercise routine. If
people
 will force them to do the same thing, they will feel overwhelmed and might show resentment towards it. In conclusion, old
people
 could get more problems
in addition
 to their current
health
 issues if they don't follow the suggested workout plan from the doctor. They will feel influenced if they're doing the necessary workout with
people
 of similar
age
.
Submitted by anmols23oct on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
To enhance your score further, consider expanding on the causes of inadequate exercise among older people with more detail and variety of reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include more varied sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Task Response
Introduce more specific examples or case studies that directly support your points. This will greatly enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Task Response
The essay provides a clear and coherent response to the prompt, effectively addressing both causes and solutions to the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of a logical structure to present your arguments, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Response
Relevant examples are used to illustrate points, enhancing the argument's clarity and impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
What to do next:
Look at other essays: