IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that violent media directly results in violent behavior. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #results #behavior
The severity of
violence
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether violent
media
 directly results in violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 are raised. In my opinion, violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is caused by the channels to some extent. Irrefutably, individuals can learn about violent methods.
This
 is because, with the prevalence of
media
, a wide range of
channels
Change the noun form
channel
show examples
 contents serve specific ways of
violence
 and inform detailed reasons for situations.
This
 obviously leads to the curiosity of imitation and
this
 in turn encourages them to make a fault situation by force. What is more,
although
 the entertainment of
media
 cannot be ignored, the lightness of
violence
 is instilled by
media
. To exemplify, plenty of action films include
scenes
 of severe
violence
 for enjoyment and general drama programs illustrate a man's character who makes fights as manly and fearless.
This
,
therefore
, results in incorrect awareness about
violence
.
Nevertheless
, the public can distinguish what is right from wrong.
In other words
, since a plethora of contents associated with
violence
 offer the caution of alarming
scenes
, they sufficiently understand fiction
scenes
 and the risk of imitation so, they barely like to follow violent
scenes
. To recapitulate, the public can distinguish what is right from wrong but individuals can learn about violent methods and the lightness of
violence
 is instilled by
media
.
Thus
, violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is caused by the channels.
Submitted by subin12260 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Ensure a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the question, enhancing clarity in your argument.
supported main points
To strengthen your argument, include more diverse and explicit examples that clearly support your main points.
logical structure
To improve coherence, make sure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader.
complete response
Try to elaborate on your claims with detailed examples and explanations to clearly demonstrate how they support your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
To further clarify your ideas, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reflecting on how your essay addressed the question.
argument complexity
Your essay tackles the topic from multiple perspectives, which adds depth to your discussion.
logical flow
The essay structure is generally logical, guiding the reader through your points effectively.
use of examples
You have a good attempt at providing examples, which is commendable for supporting your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: