IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It’s generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance, music and sport and others are not. However, it’s sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sportsperson or musician. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

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It is generally considered that a group of citizens have special talents that they were born with ,
such
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 as music and sport, and others are not able to achieve these talents, meanwhile, several times occurred that any youth is able to learn these
skills
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 and achieve a reasonable level. I think the
population
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 are able to be educated in all
skills
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 and they have to practice them to become a master,
also
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 in our countries, we need all sources of
people
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 to have
a healthy surroundings
Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthy surrounding
healthy surroundings
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, a part of citizens think the youth will born with special talents and only
this
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population
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 can achieve success in fields, there might be some
skills
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 like singing that need good sound,
however
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, the measures revealed that a large number of
people
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 do not consider just tone of singer and they consider several factors
also
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 these talented crowds need to practice a lot because if they do not attempt enough they will be neglected from the audience.
For instance
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, a large number of Iranian musicians have practised long hours to be able to perform in the best method
while
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 there are some talented that never tried hard and they are not popular.
On the other hand
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, humankind is intelligent and able to achieve all their wants ,
in addition
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, any individual is born with special gifts and it is not very essential that all the communities be able to play music or do sports at an advanced level,
nonetheless
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, our societies need doctors,mechanics and other practical jobs and
skills
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.
For example
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, entertainment companies are able to help
people
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 fill their time and make them happier but they can not take care of the
population
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 and solve all tasks
for
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this
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 reason having a community with all types of
people
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 is a vital process. In conclusion, in my opinion, a group of children might born with special abilities in the art field but an item that distinguishes the experts from others is that they practice and achieve goals with their strong spirit,
moreover
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, the communities need all kinds of functions and all the
population
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 do not need to be excellent in facilities.

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Introduction
Develop a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to immediately let the reader know your stance on the issue.
Cohesion
Use a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow in your argument.
Example
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument and support your main points. Use real-life scenarios or studies to support your claims.
Word Choice
Be cautious with word choice to avoid repetition and enhance vocabulary richness.
Coherence
Ensure consistent use of terminology throughout your essay to maintain clarity.
Task Response
You have effectively discussed both viewpoints on the issue, reflecting a well-considered approach.
Conclusion
The conclusion neatly sums up your opinion, addressing both discussed points of view.
Main Argument
Main points have been supported, albeit more varied evidence could strengthen the essay further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate abilities
  • Natural aptitude
  • Nurture
  • Hard work and persistence
  • Training regimen
  • Skill acquisition
  • Cognitive development
  • Motivation
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Systematic practice
  • Neurological changes
  • Mindset
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