Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Today,
sports
have been recognized as a crucial factor in our life. Some people would suggest that doing
sports
in a
team
has more influence on their body than individual hobbies;
however
, my personal attitude toward
this
is that independent
sports
can provide us with an insight into personality background. I will discuss both sides of
this
issue. One point ,which I strongly believe that in favour of
team
sports
is the fact that we could make more friends apart from its health benefits.Through these activities , especially children from the start of their running , could play with other children and play a key role in a
team
, they could attach together like brothers, which annoys nowadays societies is, there is an opportunity to enhance communication when playing some
sports
.
For example
, In many sporty events like the Olympic games , athletes are accustomed to gaining a medal and
this
may lead to more competition rather than anyone could enjoy doing
sports
, which can be seen in individual
sports
.
However
, both
team
and individual
sports
can enhance people's ability in many skills. Individual
sports
have provided us with a host of opportunities to modify our problem-solving skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and explore our weaknesses .
For example
, most athletes like Cristiano Ronaldo or Bustingua have made a name for themselves in strict situations , one of the preferred
team
activities that every day he may face injustice since he tries really hard to achieve his goals , but there are many people that try to harm him,
on the other hand
, Bustingua who holds a record as the fastest runner on
this
planet, both of these athletes have became a successful person in a hard situation like a diamond. In conclusion, does not matter what kind of sport we are doing, the matter is we can enjoy and achieve our goals in future.
Submitted by takhtejamshid1400historikal on

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logical structure
Improve logical flow between paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.
supported main points
Ensure that main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Good introduction and conclusion, providing a clear overview of the topic and summarizing your opinion effectively.
complete response
Adequate coverage of the task by discussing both views and offering a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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