IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why this is happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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New technology is invested
by
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in by
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 governments in many
countries
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 to tackle
with
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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.
Due to
Linking Words
 the increasing demand for efficient and accessible public
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services
Add a comma
services,
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this
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 will happen in the future. Probably
this
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 may be a useful
invest
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investment
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 in
government
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 money. Starting with the contributory factor that the
suppling
Correct your spelling
supplying
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 of
government
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occur
Verb problem
apply
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, which is the raising of
accessible
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accessibility
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 and efficient
in
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apply
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public
services
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.
In other words
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,
resident
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residents
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 life now
are
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is
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 more hustle and bustle because of the
increasing
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increase
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 in the economy of many
countries
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 so they need
the
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apply
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society
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services
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 that are more available and effective. So that the governments should provide better public
services
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 for inhabitants in order to
upgrates
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upgrade
upgrades
 their
life
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lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in many
countries
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 nowadays, online portals for
government
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services
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, digital health records, and e-learning platforms are being used by residents to save their time and it
Linking Words
also
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is also
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 more convenient than traditional documents.
This
Linking Words
 will probably
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be a
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 applicable
invest
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investment
show examples
 in
government
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 money. To explain,
upgrates
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upgrading
 the public supply will save people time
so
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apply
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that
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which
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 bring them
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience in dealing with
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society
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society's
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 problems, which
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also
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is also
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 a contributory factor to help the economy of a country grow.
For instance
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, in many developed
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 the
society
Use synonyms
services
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 are more
develop
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developed
show examples
 than others because inhabitants there do not need to care much about it. In conclusion, governments in many
countries
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 investing in new technology to deal with the public
due to
Linking Words
 the increasing demand for efficient and accessible public
services
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will be a useful
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
 for raising the
economiy
Correct your spelling
economy
 of the country.

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Introduction Suggestion
Consider using a clear introduction that directly addresses the question prompt to effectively set the stage for your argument. This will help in providing a more focused response.
Development Suggestion
Clarify and further develop your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you've mentioned examples such as online portals and e-learning, providing more detailed insights on how these technologies impact society positively could strengthen your argument.
Structure Suggestion
Work on structuring your paragraphs to include a clear main idea, followed by explanation and example. This will help in making your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Grammar and Accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance the clarity of your argument. Minor inaccuracies can distract from the message you are trying to convey.
Task Response
You have addressed both parts of the task, discussing why governments are investing in new technology and whether it is appropriate.
Content Insight
Your essay reflects an understanding of the importance of technology in modernizing public services and its potential impact on society and economy.
Conclusion Coherence
The conclusion provides a summarization of your argument, reinforcing your stance on the use of government money.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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