IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the best way to increase the road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #cars
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
 increasing accident rates, improving road safety is the main focus of many countries. It is often argued that the driving
limit
 should be increased so that reckless driving can be avoided and roads become safer. Will
this
 solution be feasible? I believe it will be for two reasons
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will improve the psychological state and will give more time to adapt to the driving
rules
. The
age
limit
 increase will help individuals make better decisions and avoid road rage. As people grow older, their maturity level increases too and it helps them in making better decisions in a critical situation. A survey in the New York Times showed that 95 % of people engaged in
accidents
 were in the
age
 group of 18 -20.
Furthermore
, at a younger
age
, human beings have a high adrenaline , which makes them drive at a high speed and break
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 for fun. Another reason why I agree with
this
 perspective is that it will give individuals more time to learn the
rules
 theoretically
as well as
 adapt by watching others drive. The consequences of casualty require some amount of maturity. When people are given time to learn about traffic
rules
 , it helps them to internalize and become aware of mishaps .
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, in a recent study conducted by Harvard University, drivers who spent 12 -24 months learning about the
rules
 were 90% less involved in
accidents
 than those who spent less than 12 months.
Therefore
, an increase in the
age
limit
 will make citizens safe.
To conclude
, all nations should focus on increasing the driving
age
limit
 so that
accidents
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be reduced and roads become safer. Indeed, in my opinion, it will result in lower accident rates as drivers would be mature and aware of the consequences that
accidents
 could cause.
Submitted by sakshi.s16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Style
To enhance your score further, aim to diversify the sentence structures used in your essay for a richer linguistic expression.
Vocabulary
Strengthen your argument with more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, making your points more compelling.
Argumentation
Ensure that all examples and statistics mentioned are clearly linked back to your main argument, amplifying your essay's persuasive power.
Structure
Consider incorporating a counter-argument to demonstrate critical thinking and a nuanced understanding of the topic before reaffirming your position.
Structure
Your essay effectively adheres to a clear and logical structure, which enhances its coherence.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, framing your argument effectively.
Content & Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, making your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: