IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 7

Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job trainning are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #prison #method #education #job
It is often said that educating and training criminals are better methods of collecting them than sending them to prison.
This
 writer disagrees with
this
 statement because of the scare of lawlessness and the cause of jobs in penitentiaries. It must be understood that the incredible period of time in a penitentiary makes people anxious and careful before breaking the law.
In addition
, in jail, criminals have to do community service it still helps the government and the public, but if they receive the education, not only they will not have to pay for their unlawful activity but
also
 they have a chance to have a job. It is wasteful a cause of work, uneconomic to use government funds and unfair to everybody.
According to
 some developed countries, though they give teaching for juvenile misdemeanours but do not completely apply
this
 solution to everybody, wrongdoing still has to go to lockup after passing the teenager. Another point to take into consideration is even in penitentiary, criminals still have the teaching for jobs or knowledge of society from the government.
For example
, in the state of America, after being released, they became one of the main workforce for different jobs.
Furthermore
, when they are learning to work, they can serve the community as a way to fix their crime.
Therefore
, their duration in confinement will be useful, and contribute to society. In conclusion, sending crime to lockup increases the responsibility of people when they are involved in unlawful activity and education in penitentiary will be wasted.
Therefore
, eventually,
this
 way is one of the most effective ways to solve the problem of dealing with violation.

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task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but the stance is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Ensure your thesis statement in the introduction clearly presents your perspective. Furthermore, consistently develop this viewpoint in each paragraph to directly address the essay prompt.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clearly organized and logically ordered. Improve your paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the paragraph's main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Support your main ideas with more specific examples and evidence. This strengthens your argument and provides a clearer understanding of your viewpoint to the reader. Use real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points.
coherence & cohesion
Be careful with your language use, as some phrases and words used in the essay seem out of place or unclear ('incredible period of time', 'wasteful a cause of work'). This can distract readers and make your arguments harder to follow. Always aim for clarity and precision in your language.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Recidivism
  • Reintegration
  • Vocational training
  • Incarceration
  • Deterrent
  • Correctional facilities
  • Reformative justice
  • Social reentry
  • Ex-offender
  • Criminal justice system
  • Restorative practices
  • Penal system
  • Social marginalization
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