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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the survey results for which environmental problems people in three countries are most concerned about.

The charts below show the survey results for which environmental problems people in three countries are most concerned about.
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The given pie charts illustrate information on
of
Change preposition
apply
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the three environmental issues which
is
Change the verb form
are
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people
Use synonyms
 more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
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 about in 3 different
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 from
Zambia
Use synonyms
 and Singapore
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more concerned about
overpopulation
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in Cameroon
people
Use synonyms
worried
Add a missing verb
are worried
show examples
 about
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal. In all three
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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pollution
Use synonyms
 is the least concerning among all other categories of issues, but in
Use synonyms
Zambia
Add a comma
Zambia,
show examples
 the least place is
also
Linking Words
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal.
According to
Linking Words
 the charts, in
Singapore
Add a comma
Singapore,
show examples
 there is the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
 about
overpopulation
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
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 37%, followed by global warming
with
Change preposition
at
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 26%.
Waste
Use synonyms
 disposal figures accounted for 21% of Singaporean
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 worried about
pollution
Use synonyms
 with 16%. In
Use synonyms
Zambia
Add a comma
Zambia,
show examples
 there is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar trend,
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 and global warming experienced the
most
Correct word choice
highest
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percentage
Use synonyms
 with 43% and 29$, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, In
Zambia
Use synonyms
,
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal and
pollution
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 14%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, In
Cameroon
Add a comma
Cameroon,
show examples
 the highest
concerning
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 among
people
Use synonyms
 is
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal with 42%, followed by
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 with 23%. Global warming has the figure at 19%, and
pollution
Use synonyms
 is the least concern among
Cameroonian
Fix the agreement mistake
Cameroonians
show examples
 with 16%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, zambia, overpopulation, waste, pollution, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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