Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

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There is an argument that

athletes

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should only focus

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show examples

their play techniques and it is not related to how they behave socially outside the field. I personally disagree with

this

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notion, and I will elaborate more on

this

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essay.

Firstly

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, professional sportsmen have a huge leverage over their

fans

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. As many people, particularly teenagers, serve the

athletes

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as idols, they tend to follow their

behaviour

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in general. The younger

fans

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are likely to copy what their idols do and make it a trend, even though it is not the right thing.

For example

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, Budi, an Indonesian famous football player, was often spotted by paparazzi drinking alcohol in public,

while

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it is not common to do

such

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a thing in the country. Owing to

this

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phenomenon, the

fans

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, teenagers

in particular

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, will follow their idols'

behaviour

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and it will be

such

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a trend among them.

Therefore

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, sports players need to behave carefully to avoid becoming a bad influence on minor groups.

Secondly

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, good

behaviour

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leads to maintaining the

athletes

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' performance. As they take care of their well-being, they can perform well in the field.

Whereas

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, if the

athletes

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ignore healthy lifestyles, their quality performance may be decreased.

For instance

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, studies show that 30% of professional football players are smokers and they are more likely to get injured during the play than the non-smokers' footballers.

Moreover

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, the researchers explain that smoking reduces their endurance.

Hence

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, sports players need to pay attention to their way of life in order to maintain best practices professionally in the long term. In conclusion, I strongly believe that professional sportsmen have a responsibility to keep their

behaviour

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in terms of being a good influence on their

fans

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and applying a healthy way of life to maintain their performance.

chocolate10 Mon Sep 23 2024

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task response

While your essay is comprehensive and covers the prompt well, ensure that you refine your topic sentences to clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph. This will enhance the clarity and coherence of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction sets the stage effectively, but it could be slightly more engaging or specific to immediately capture the reader’s attention. Consider integrating a hook or a more detailed thesis statement.

task response

The examples provided are relevant and support the points adequately. However, integrating data or more detailed instances could further solidify your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs that each address a specific point related to the topic. This helps in maintaining a coherent flow.

coherence cohesion

You effectively conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and reiterating your stance, which reinforces your argument nicely.

task response

The reasons and examples you provided to support your arguments are relevant and logically connected to your main points, which enhances the strength of your response.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

role model
media-driven
publicized
public opinion
societal norms
brand representation
sponsors
inappropriate behavior
team dynamics
morale
personal accountability
public image
career and legacy
off-field behavior

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Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sport, while others think it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work". Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important