Some belief that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In today's globalised
world
some consider that money should spent on better modern gadgets, Add a comma
world,
Correct word choice
while other
other
think that it is better spent on Fix the agreement mistake
others
teachers
. In this
essay
I will Add a comma
essay,
discus
both Correct your spelling
discuss
wievpoint
and include my own opinion.
On the one hand, our world rapidly changes and in big companies employees are required to utilize innovative tools. Correct your spelling
viewpoint
viewpoints
Students
should learn to use cutting-edge equipments
for finding Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
properly
Change the word
proper
job
after postgraduating. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Furthermore
, high tech helps individuals to solve their problems quickly. For instance
, we do not spend much time for
reading books at libraries and find easily all Change preposition
apply
books
by using our computers. Correct article usage
the books
Moreover
, we pay all our bills witougt
leaving Correct your spelling
without
house
and save Add an article
the house
our
time.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the other hand
, learning with help
of Correct article usage
the help
teachers
is more important. Because educators
Correct word choice
Educators
are
not only help Unnecessary verb
apply
students
to
solve their math problems, Verb problem
apply
they
Correct word choice
but they
also
teach them how to act in society. Additionally
, some students
learn better in classrooms. They prefere
Correct your spelling
prefer
face to face
education and to see Add a hyphen
face-to-face
teachers
at
classrooms.
Change preposition
in
To sum
up
all mentioned above some people prefer to learn from modern Add a comma
up,
tecnologies
. it Correct your spelling
technologies
help
them to pick all Change the verb form
helps
information
they need by using high tech. Correct article usage
the information
However
, other
believe it is better to learn from Fix the agreement mistake
others
teachers
, they can provide learners with useful datum
. Because there are much Fix the agreement mistake
data
information
on Change preposition
of information
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
and
Correct word choice
apply
teachers
can help students
to
choose which of them Verb problem
apply
more
essential.Add a missing verb
is more
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structure
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly by using specific paragraphs for each viewpoint. This helps in making your essay more structured and easier to follow.
coherence
To enhance understanding, use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will improve the flow of your essay and make the connections between your ideas more evident.
accuracy
It's essential to check your essay for minor spelling and grammar mistakes. Even though these are small, they can distract from your overall message. Correct usage will polish your essay.
development
Try to develop your arguments further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen your position and make your points more convincing.
balance
You effectively discussed both views, providing a balanced overview of the topic.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the essay well, reinforcing your personal viewpoint.
example
You make good use of simple examples to support your points, making your arguments more relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example