The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The number of young generations in Western countries who are suffering from obesity has a 20% increase over the
last
decade. There seem to be two main effects stemming from
this
issue and some reasons are behind it which will be discussed in
this
essay. Probably, the major cause of the sharp growth in the number of overweight children is their tendency to have fast
food
rather than healthy and home-made
food
. Compared to previous years, people -most importantly youngsters- prefer not to spend their time cooking a healthy meal and their choice is ready-made and fast
food
which is not a valuable alternative.
Additionally
, it is generally acknowledged that
due to
modern technologies, offspring's lives do not need much physical activity as their energy-taking games are substituted by computer games. They spend long hours behind their electronic devices every
day
.
For instance
, we witness that every little child has his/ her own mobile phone and plays mobile games during the
day
. There is ample evidence that the problem of putting on weight has some unreturnable influences on children's health. The age of getting chronic diseases is falling down
day
by
day
and the expenses of curing are extra pain on parents' necks.
Moreover
, if
this
situation continues, the next generation will not be able to live for long years.
Therefore
society will face a shortage of workers in the future. A case in point, is the concerning rate of population and illness sufferers
as a result
of an unsolved problem: "overweighting".
Consequently
,
this
essay discusses the rising rate of fat children in the Western world which is caused by having too much unhealthy
food
and not doing enough exercise and shows that it will result in fewer workers and more patients in the next decades.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Support Examples
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Sentence Variety
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Linking Words
Your essay is well-organized, but using a broader range of linking words could improve the flow even more. This would help in making the progression of ideas smoother and more cohesive.
Task Response
You've effectively identified the causes and effects of the increase in overweight children, aligning well with the task requirements.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion frame your essay well, providing a clear overview and summarization of your argument.
Main Points Support
The main points are well-supported and relevant, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proliferation
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Processed foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Childhood obesity
  • Obesity-related conditions
  • Stigmatization
  • Fast food culture
  • Physical activity
  • Home-cooked meals
  • Healthcare system
  • Psychological problems
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
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