The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#precentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend

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The number of young generations in Western countries who are suffering from obesity has a 20% increase over the

last

decade. There seem to be two main effects stemming from

this

issue and some reasons are behind it which will be discussed in

this

essay. Probably, the major cause of the sharp growth in the number of overweight children is their tendency to have fast

food

rather than healthy and home-made

food

. Compared to previous years, people -most importantly youngsters- prefer not to spend their time cooking a healthy meal and their choice is ready-made and fast

food

which is not a valuable alternative.

Additionally

, it is generally acknowledged that

due to

modern technologies, offspring's lives do not need much physical activity as their energy-taking games are substituted by computer games. They spend long hours behind their electronic devices every

day

For instance

, we witness that every little child has his/ her own mobile phone and plays mobile games during the

day

. There is ample evidence that the problem of putting on weight has some unreturnable influences on children's health. The age of getting chronic diseases is falling down

day

and the expenses of curing are extra pain on parents' necks.

Moreover

, if

this

situation continues, the next generation will not be able to live for long years.

Therefore

society will face a shortage of workers in the future. A case in point, is the concerning rate of population and illness sufferers

as a result

of an unsolved problem: "overweighting".

Consequently

this

essay discusses the rising rate of fat children in the Western world which is caused by having too much unhealthy

food

and not doing enough exercise and shows that it will result in fewer workers and more patients in the next decades.

Submitted by keyhan454 on Sat Apr 20 2024

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Support Examples

You've done a great job at structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance your essay further, consider adding more specific examples or data to support your main points.

Sentence Variety

While your essay shows a strong understanding of the topic, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures can make your arguments more compelling.

Linking Words

Your essay is well-organized, but using a broader range of linking words could improve the flow even more. This would help in making the progression of ideas smoother and more cohesive.

Task Response

You've effectively identified the causes and effects of the increase in overweight children, aligning well with the task requirements.

Structure

Your introduction and conclusion frame your essay well, providing a clear overview and summarization of your argument.

Main Points Support

The main points are well-supported and relevant, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Proliferation
Sedentary lifestyle
Processed foods
Socioeconomic factors
Childhood obesity
Obesity-related conditions
Stigmatization
Fast food culture
Physical activity
Home-cooked meals
Healthcare system
Psychological problems
Diabetes
Heart disease

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The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

You recently stayed at a hotel for a conference with your company and there were several problems with your room. Write to the hotel management to complain. Include • where you stayed • what the problems were • how they can fix it complaints

Many people aim to achieve balance between work and life, but only a few people achieve it. What problems will be caused by poor work-life balance? How can its negative impacts be prevented?

computer and AI technology are increasingly being used for online education Can AI enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.