IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that mobile phones must be banned in public places such as libraries, shops or public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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There is no denying that
smartphones
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 play a vital role in everyone’s life. Some people argue that their
use
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 should be restricted in certain
places
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such
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 as libraries, markets, and public transport. I partially agree with
this
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 view, and
this
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 essay will discuss the reasons before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why the
use
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 of
smartphones
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 should be limited in specific
places
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.
Firstly
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, it helps maintain discipline and prevents disturbance to others.
For example
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, in libraries, students require a calm and peaceful environment in order to concentrate on their studies.
Similarly
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, in public
places
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 and on public transport, loud music and phone conversations can cause inconvenience to others.
Moreover
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, many individuals tend to watch videos or listen to audio at high volumes without using earphones, which can be disruptive.
Therefore
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, restricting smartphone
use
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 in
such
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 areas is an effective way to create a more comfortable environment.
On the other hand
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, completely restricting the
use
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 of mobile phones may create difficulties for individuals.
For instance
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, when people travel far from their hometowns, they rely on their phones for navigation and communication. In today’s world,
smartphones
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 are essential for accessing maps, finding locations, and obtaining important information.
Additionally
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, students often
use
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 their phones to search for academic resources.
Therefore
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, banning
smartphones
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 entirely is not a practical solution;
instead
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, people should be encouraged to
use
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 them responsibly in public
places
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. In conclusion,
although
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smartphones
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 are an essential part of modern life, their excessive
use
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 in certain
places
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 can disturb others. I believe that their
use
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 should be limited rather than completely banned, as
this
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 would balance convenience with social responsibility.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, and this is good, but you can state more clearly what places should have limits and what use should still be allowed.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas. For example, you can give a real case for shops or buses, not only libraries.
task response
Develop your second body paragraph a little more. The idea is good, but it needs one more reason or example to feel more full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. To make it even better, link some ideas more smoothly inside paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are general. You can explain how rules may work, such as silent mode in libraries or no loud calls on transport.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make each paragraph center on one main idea only, then explain it fully before moving on.
task response
You answer the question well and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and stay on the topic all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a good order, so the reader can follow your meaning easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
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