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Writing Samples
Band 6

A rise in childhood obesity is a real threat to health with an increasing number of children now classified as overweight. What are the causes of the problem and what measures can be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience.

#rise #childhood #obesity #threat #health #children #measures
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Nowadays,
according to
 the statistical data it can be observed that there is a majority of kids who weigh more than they have to.
This
 essay shall look at some of the problems of
this
 phenomenon and provide a few solutions to how they can be overcome. As a matter of fact, it should be demonstrated
firstly
, that the essential role in the youngsters health plays
nutrition
Correct article usage
a nutrition
show examples
 factor. It is very important to monitor the junior's menu of food taken them during the whole period by their parents and relatives effectively and on time.
For instance
, some teenagers odore sweet food and maybe one of them has an addiction.
Consequently
, the lack of control from a mature society in reality leads to eating a lot of sweets in the young generation, which in turn leads to weight gain.
Secondly
, an additional cause of the
abovewritten
Correct your spelling
above written
above-written
 issue lies in the lack of physical activity in young people. In order to solve these prospective issues, in truth, some imperative measures ought to be taken. It is highly recommended to develop sports sections in the school curriculum to increase
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 for the younger generation to attend sports competitions and
as a result
, achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great shape.
Additionally
, it should be noted that many youngers who go to sports clubs become much more resilient and purposeful, they develop self-confidence and leadership qualities, which has a beneficial effect on their quality of life. In conclusion, there are various negative consequences of obesity for children, and corresponding measures need to be taken to tackle these issues.
Submitted by akhmedova.mb on

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Introduction
Introduce your points more clearly in the introduction to guide the reader through your essay.
Examples
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. General statements are good, but detailed examples add depth.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
Cohesion
Ensure a clear connection between your ideas and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively.
Task Response
You have addressed the task by discussing causes and providing solutions.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points.
Structure
Good attempt at structuring the essay with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childhood obesity
  • Overweight
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Nutritional education
  • Physical activity
  • Screen time
  • Fast food consumption
  • Sugar-rich beverages
  • Dietary choices
  • Urbanization
  • Genetic factors
  • Predispose
  • Environmental factors
  • Health threat
  • Lifestyle choices
What to do next:
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