Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

#people #money #factor #hapiness

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There are many factors to gain

happiness

in life. Most

people

think that

happiness

comes from

money

while

others believe that

happiness

is not related to

money

. In

this

essay, I will explain that

money

can buy many

things

to make

people

happy, even though joy can

also

come from the environment. The first thing to consider is if

people

have enough

money

, they can buy many

things

they need.

For example

, someone who loves cars will buy many kinds of vehicles because they will satisfy them, and of course,

this

hobby costs millions of dollars.

Also

people

who love travelling, cooking, or reading need funds to buy the

things

they want. It seems clear that the more wealth humans have, the more

happiness

they will get.

On the other hand

, some parts of our society believe that

money

does nothing with

happiness

because

happiness

comes from our environment.

For instance

, poor kids will be happier than rich kids because they have a happy family and friends that rich kids don’t have. It is because when the parents have a high salary, they will have more responsibility in their jobs, so they will have less time to spend with their children.

As a result

this

situation makes the children feel lonely and alone, far from happy. In conclusion,

although

wealth can buy many

things

to make humans happy, love and affection from

people

around us are

also

essential to make life more comfortable.

In addition

people

should balance their time to gain more cash and their time to socialize with their surroundings.

Submitted by dewintaputri23 on Fri Feb 02 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay provides a reasonable discussion of both views, however, there is room to explore the topics in more depth. Try to develop a more nuanced argument by providing clear and elaborated examples, and offer a more in-depth analysis of the ways in which money might relate to happiness.

coherence cohesion

Although there is a logical flow, transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. Add more cohesive devices and vary your sentence structures to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
basic needs
diminishing returns
materialism
personal growth
mindset
self-worth
social status
philanthropy
well-being
experiences
generosity
fulfilling
reduces stress
escalate
acquiring wealth
sense of security
comparative wealth
excessive focus
leisure activities

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no special knowledge of the following topic. Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Recently, the number of diseases that impact children has skyrocketed. One good thing is, a lot of companies in the world found the vaccine for these diseases. However, there was a continuous debate about whether immunization should be made compulsory, or optional. In this essay, I will discuss my own experience about why vaccination should be made compulsory.
5
band
Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
Global companies are gaining more popularity among third-world countries. The main advantages of this are that they generate more employment in a country and provide good benefits to employees. However, the major drawbacks are long working hours and unsecured jobs.
4.5
band
In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?
Nowadays, many people are more likely to live a life by themselves or with a few members of their family than with a large number of relatives. I think its positive effects outweigh the negative ones and this essay will explain why.
5.5
band
You Are due to give a talk to you through about the danger of smoking, but you cannot now do so. Write a letter to the youth group leader, explain that you cannot come. Apologise for your absence. Suggest a new occasion.
Hope you are fine and doing well. I am writing this letter because in the last meeting you asked me to join an anti-smoking event and describe as a speaker why smoking is harmful to our health and how it damaging our younger population.
<4
band
You recently read an article in the newspaper about someone whom you know personally but have not heard from in a long time. You found that some of the information published was incorrect.
My name is Ali , a reader of your article in British newspaper. Yesterday I noticed that you wrote about the singer Mikey who I have been knowing him personally since we was together at musical coral,So most of your information was incorrect leading me to disappointment and frustrated then I write this letter to elaborate the mistake you have written.

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

Your opinion

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

You Are due to give a talk to you through about the danger of smoking, but you cannot now do so. Write a letter to the youth group leader, explain that you cannot come. Apologise for your absence. Suggest a new occasion.

You recently read an article in the newspaper about someone whom you know personally but have not heard from in a long time. You found that some of the information published was incorrect.