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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

It's common that a variety of
flavors
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flavours
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 of
music
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 are more and more popular all over the world, mainly because it could put
people
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 in a better emotion. In my opinion, in every country, their domestic
music
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 is much more crucial for residents locally than that from other parts of the world. Individuals in favor of
music
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 argue that
music
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 could make them feel better when faced
a
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with a
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more difficult and complex life.
For example
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, many young individuals, especially on
this
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 Monday morning who usually are tired and depressed on the subway often tend to listen to some smooth and happy songs which might recharge or distress them to get rid of those bad emotions.
Also
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, some smoothing R&B rhythm could help citizens to stop thinking and get ready for bed in the evening.
While
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music
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 has no nationality and might be a great tool to modify human feelings，songs and instrument plays contain different kinds of special cultural features which are far more critical for inhabitants domestically than
that
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apply
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from overseas. It means they are likely regarded as the representatives of national culture to express local residents' moods. Taking Rap as an instance, its popularity among young
people
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 in many countries has been increasing. To some extent, it tropically represents American awareness of freedom and competition.
Hence
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, most Americans would perhaps go to participate in various related concerts, musical festivals and competing shows every year
instead
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 of other foreign musical events. In conclusion,
music
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 often makes
people
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 feel happier.
Moreover
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, those traditional parts are far more essential for local
people
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 than those from foreign.

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Clear Position
Ensure a clear distinction between your opinion and the general argument. This will strengthen your position and make your essay more compelling.
Depth of Examples
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or real-life instances. This deepens the impact of your arguments and showcases a wider understanding of the topic.
Balanced Argument
Try to explore both sides of the argument more evenly, even if your stance favors one. This balanced approach can enrich your essay and provide a more nuanced perspective.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, highlighting the prominence of music and introducing the comparative importance of domestic versus international music.
Use of Examples
You provided specific examples to support your points, such as the use of music for mood enhancement and the cultural significance of Rap, which helps in illustrating your arguments.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your position and reinforces the overall argument, which is a good practice for cohesively wrapping up your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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