Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some
people
claim governments
should spend money to encourage people
to do sports
, rather than training athletes for the Olympic games.
I do agree with that statement because although
high-level sports
have a good impact on thepopulation
, thanks to the government's benefits,Correct your spelling
the population
people
can stay healthy, in good mental health and reduce obesity.
My first argument is that doing sports
activities encourages balanced mental health because of the endorphins our body generates. For example
, after running , even if your legs are aching, it boosts your morale . It helps as well, people
to stay in shape, which is very important in the stressful lives we are living today, in which our bodies are prioritized. Therefore
, people
need more time or more places to do some sports
to relax. For instance
, in big cities, people
waste a lot of time commuting in traffic jams. So, governments
should invest in some more aery places and gardens in those urban areas, to allow people
to do exercises after work, to make them feel mentally balanced. It would be a way to show its commitment to its citizens' well-being.
Moreover
, obesity is the main issue of our century and one of the solutions to reduce this
problem is sports
. As an aside, these days, more and more children stay in front of screens instead
of doing outside activities, which makes them become obese. So, governments
need to finance health programs, like sports
campaigns during school holidays , to encourage them to move.
However
, spending money on training athletes for the Olympic games is important too. Indeed, people
can identify themselves with those sports
competitors and take them as models. For instance
, children are fans of football or basketball players. It can also
unify a whole nation and the pride of winning medals .
In conclusion, whilst spending money on training athletes for the Olympics is a good thing for the public, I believe that governments
should invest in some more sporting areas or sports
campaigns to reduce mental disorders and obesity.Submitted by leared on
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coherence cohesion
To boost your score, try adding more varied sentence structures and employ a greater range of linking devices to enhance flow. For example, transitions such as 'nonetheless,' 'moreover,' or 'consequently' can help in making your argument even more cohesive.
task achievement
For higher task achievement, ensuring a balance in discussing both sides of the argument can enhance the depth of your response. Although your essay leans towards supporting health programs, a more detailed exploration of the benefits of training elite athletes would offer a more balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a balanced conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
supported main points
Your use of specific examples to support your main points, such as the impact of sports on mental health and the issue of obesity, effectively strengthens your argument.
logical structure
Your coherent structure and logical flow of ideas make your essay easy to follow, demonstrating a good command of coherence and cohesion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example