Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some
people
claim Use synonyms
governments
should spend money to encourage Use synonyms
people
to do Use synonyms
sports
, rather than training athletes for the Olympic games.
I do agree with that statement because Use synonyms
although
high-level Linking Words
sports
have a good impact on Use synonyms
thepopulation
, thanks to the government's benefits,Correct your spelling
the population
people
can stay healthy, in good mental health and reduce obesity.
My first argument is that doing Use synonyms
sports
activities encourages balanced mental health because of the endorphins our body generates. Use synonyms
For example
, after running , even if your legs are aching, it boosts your morale . It helps as well, Linking Words
people
to stay in shape, which is very important in the stressful lives we are living today, in which our bodies are prioritized. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
people
need more time or more places to do some Use synonyms
sports
to relax. Use synonyms
For instance
, in big cities, Linking Words
people
waste a lot of time commuting in traffic jams. So, Use synonyms
governments
should invest in some more aery places and gardens in those urban areas, to allow Use synonyms
people
to do exercises after work, to make them feel mentally balanced. It would be a way to show its commitment to its citizens' well-being.
Use synonyms
Moreover
, obesity is the main issue of our century and one of the solutions to reduce Linking Words
this
problem is Linking Words
sports
. As an aside, these days, more and more children stay in front of screens Use synonyms
instead
of doing outside activities, which makes them become obese. So, Linking Words
governments
need to finance health programs, like Use synonyms
sports
campaigns during school holidays , to encourage them to move.
Use synonyms
However
, spending money on training athletes for the Olympic games is important too. Indeed, Linking Words
people
can identify themselves with those Use synonyms
sports
competitors and take them as models. Use synonyms
For instance
, children are fans of football or basketball players. It can Linking Words
also
unify a whole nation and the pride of winning medals .
In conclusion, whilst spending money on training athletes for the Olympics is a good thing for the public, I believe that Linking Words
governments
should invest in some more sporting areas or Use synonyms
sports
campaigns to reduce mental disorders and obesity.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
To boost your score, try adding more varied sentence structures and employ a greater range of linking devices to enhance flow. For example, transitions such as 'nonetheless,' 'moreover,' or 'consequently' can help in making your argument even more cohesive.
task achievement
For higher task achievement, ensuring a balance in discussing both sides of the argument can enhance the depth of your response. Although your essay leans towards supporting health programs, a more detailed exploration of the benefits of training elite athletes would offer a more balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a balanced conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
supported main points
Your use of specific examples to support your main points, such as the impact of sports on mental health and the issue of obesity, effectively strengthens your argument.
logical structure
Your coherent structure and logical flow of ideas make your essay easy to follow, demonstrating a good command of coherence and cohesion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example