IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as factory farming and the use of technology to improve crops. Some people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them as dangerous and advocate a return to more traditional farming methods. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

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These days,
farmers
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 use many chemical
substances
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 in farming that can be beneficial in terms of larger size of
crops
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 which can help
to
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apply
show examples
farmers
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 meet
to
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apply
show examples
people
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's needs and address
shortage
Correct article usage
the shortage
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 of natural resources problem.
While
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 some
people
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 assert that these methods are necessary to address global demand for
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 among individuals,others,including me,believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can affect
welfare
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the welfare
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 of
animals
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 adversely.
On the other hand
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,it is claimed by some that genetically modified
foods
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 are important as there is a growing demand for
foods
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.Because of overpopulation,
people
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 consume more and more
crops
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 and in
this
Linking Words
 case,
farmers
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 add some fertilizers or chemical
substances
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 to make harvests
in
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apply
show examples
larger size and
consequently
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,it helps
to
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apply
show examples
them gain more
crops
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 and address
people
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's demands .
For instance
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,in many developed countries,increased consumption of harvests can put a strain
natural
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on natural
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 resources,which ultimately can result in depletion of sources.
Therefore
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,
farmers
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 use new methods and using small
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of ground,they make
crops
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 in larger
size
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sizes
show examples
 which can help them to meet
people
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's needs effectively.
On the other hand
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,I would side with those who contend that using new methods in growing food can have
detrimental
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a detrimental
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 impact on
animals
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as well as
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 biodiversity .
Although
Linking Words
farmers
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 utilize many chemicals to improve food,these
substances
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 should be experienced
Linking Words
firstly
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first
show examples
 and
farmers
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 should identify
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 they are safe for
people
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's health or not .In
this
Linking Words
 case ,they experience them on
animals
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 which can be hazardous for them and
it
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apply
show examples
can lead to
death
Correct pronoun usage
their death
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of
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apply
show examples
them,in the long run, loss of habitat and biodiversity. To cite an example,after
farmers
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 grow new
foods
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 in which chemical
substances
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has
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have
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 been used,they want to know its side effects on
people
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's health.
Therefore
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,they use them in cats or other
animals
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to know
Verb problem
,
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 and it can contribute to health problems
on
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for
show examples
 cats and even death
of
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apply
show examples
them
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apply
show examples
. Taking everything into account,
While
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 in farming,utilizing new practices
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 vital as it can help to meet
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's needs,I think that it is important to acknowledge its deleterious impacts on
animals
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 and our habitat .

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Language Usage
Consider rephrasing sentences to improve clarity and avoid repetition. Use synonyms to avoid repeating words such as 'crops' and 'chemical substances'.
Structure
Introduce your essay with a clearer statement that outlines the topics you will discuss. This helps to guide the reader.
Conclusion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing both viewpoints and your own opinion more distinctly to make a compelling final argument.
Coherence
Incorporate paragraph transitions to make your arguments flow more smoothly from one point to the next. This will enhance the overall cohesion of your essay.
Task Response
Use examples more effectively by detailing specific cases where modern farming practices have had positive or negative effects. This can support your argument more convincingly.
Content Balance
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
Topical Knowledge
Your essay touches on important aspects of modern farming practices and their implications, showing an understanding of the topic.
Language Variety
You've attempted to use a range of vocabulary to express your ideas, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • factory farming
  • global demand
  • sustainable
  • ethical implications
  • antibiotic resistance
  • genetically modified organisms (GMOs)
  • precision farming
  • crop yields
  • biodiversity loss
  • food sovereignty
  • technological advances
  • resilience
What to do next:
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