IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Children today spend too much time on electronic devices such as smartphones and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #time #devices #smartphones #computers
However
, many people believe that youngsters spending most of their
time
 on gadgets like computers and cell phones is acceptable. I think in the same manner and agree with the given statement. My inclinations are justified in the ensuing paragraphs. Out of all the arguments regarding children spending
time
 on smart devices,the strongest one to prove my view is they are used for educational purposes.
This
 is to say because student education has now shifted to a digital world.
For instance
,
due to
 Covid19 many educational institutes switch their education online from in-person.
Thus
, to fulfil these requirements it is mandatory to consume more
time
 online by using phones and desktops.
Besides
this
, it is
also
 true that all entertainment sources are available on smartphones.
For
this
reason
, youngsters spend too much quality
time
 for refreshment and relaxation. The other
reason
 to prove my point is the world is now switching to online marketing and digitalisation. Because of
this
reason
, children are encouraged to learn more about technology and implement it in future for their job purposes and to achieve business success.
On the contrary
, some people counter the mentioned support. The foremost argument they
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 is young children must spend their
time
 doing yoga and meditation.
Also
, it is better to be social and learn more about culture by not using technology.
Thus
, to wrap up the discussion, It can be said that despite spending
time
 to be social and to be physically fit, my
reason
 for using smart devices for learning and limited entertainment purposes
as well as
 to learn business ideas is logically acceptable.
Submitted by avibhadiyadra on

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language use
A more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures will enhance the clarity and sophistication of your argument.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider integrating more concrete examples and data to support your claims about the necessity and benefits of technology use by children.
task achievement
Although your essay presents a clear argument, further elaboration on the counter-argument with specific examples or evidence could provide a more balanced view and enhance the depth of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes your argument easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You effectively use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear and maintained throughout the essay, meeting the task requirement effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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