Some people believe that children should stay at school until 18 years old. However, other people believe they should be allowed to leave school for age of 14. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There has been quite an obvious discussion around the topic of mandatory schooling.
While
some people believe that pupils should be allowed to leave
school
at the age of 14, I would argue that
children
should stay at
school
until year 12 because of education and qualifications. I will explain my reasons in
this
essay. There is no doubt that
children
should be allowed to leave
school
until the age of 14 so that they can get a job faster.
This
is because pupils can not afford their money for higher education, and they can decide to leave
school
and look for a job to support themselves and their families.
For example
, the rural areas in India, some
children
have to leave
school
before they
graduate
from high
school
, and they can have a job to earn money and support their finances.
As a result
, higher schooling requires various money to spend and not everyone can afford it.
However
, it is worth pointing out that
children
should stay at
school
until they
graduate
from high
school
.
This
is based on the fact that education until high
school
are generally basic schooling that can provide certainly jobs and universities require.
For instance
,
Chulalongkorn
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University in Thailand, there is required for students who must
graduate
in year 12 if they would like to study at
this
university.
Consequently
, a high
school
degree opens the door to universities and opportunities at work in the future. In conclusion, we can observe that some
children
should be allowed to leave
school
until the age of 14 so that they can look after themselves and their families financially.
Overall
, I firmly believe that it is a better way for
children
to continue studying until they
graduate
at yea
Submitted by v.mahatkomol on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear conclusion. It appears your essay was cut off before fully concluding your thoughts. A conclusion should summarize your main points and clearly state your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Keep your essay well-organized. Use clear paragraphing and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your introduction to more clearly state the essay's topic and hint at your opinion. This helps set up your essay's structure and provides a clearer guide for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument comprehensively before stating your conclusion. While you've provided some contrast between the views, ensuring balance and thorough exploration of each side enhances your argument's strength.
task achievement
You’ve provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well, with logical progression from one idea to the next, which makes it easy to follow.
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