IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The graph below shows Australian people played four sorts of sports

The graph below shows Australian people played four sorts of sports
The line graph compares information about how many
people
Use synonyms
 were interested in different types of sport in Australia over 20
years
Correct your spelling
20-year
 period from 1985 to 2005. As the graph shows there were 50
people
Use synonyms
played
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 badminton in 1985.
Then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure dropped significantly to 45. And after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure increased to 50 again in 1995 and stayed stable
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2005. About 80
people
Use synonyms
 played basketball in 1985. And the number of players stayed constant at 80 between 1985 and 2005. About 150
people
Use synonyms
 played tennis in 1985.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
this
Linking Words
 number gradually increased to 210 in 2005. There were 240
people
Use synonyms
played
Correct pronoun usage
who played
show examples
 Rugby in 1985.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
 the number of players slowly dropped to 200 in 1995. And
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure rose quickly to about 230 in 2005.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: