IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many nations, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccinations in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#nations #vaccinations #spread #disease #development
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Many countries have made it compulsory for their
people
Use synonyms
 to take vaccines to combat certain
Use synonyms
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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. There certain
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disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been eliminated from the earth because of vaccines
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example, smallpox. I think it
is
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because it helps to achieve herd
immunity
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 and reduce
complications
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 and death.
The herd
Correct article usage
Herd
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immunity
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 will be achieved if
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of the
populations
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population
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are being
Wrong verb form
is
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 vaccinated and
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 means more than 85% of
population
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the population
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 and the more the better. The importance of herd
immunity
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 is because there are certain
type
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types
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 of
people
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 who are not able to take
vaccine
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vaccines
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due to
Linking Words
 medical reasons
for example
Linking Words
people
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 who are immunocompromised,
such
Linking Words
 as
people
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 living with HIV,
people
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 of chemotherapy,
as well as
Linking Words
people
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 who are allergic to vaccine and its content and many more. When more
people
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 are being immunised, it is harder for the
disease
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 to spread.
In addition
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, being vaccinated may help reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of getting severe
complications
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 and eventually death. Some
people
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 might still contract certain
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disease
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diseases
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 after being vaccinated but as we have already developed
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 level of
immunity
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 against
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, the risk of getting very bad
complications
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 is low. Certain
disease
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 has very debilitating
complications
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,
for example
Linking Words
, poliomyelitis can cause paralysis and limb deformity and
this
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 will significantly reduce quality of life. In conclusion, I believe it is beneficial for the countries to have made
vaccine
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vaccines
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mandatory because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help protect the weaker populations and lower the incidence of morbidity and mortality associated with the
disease
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shaz.777 on

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Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and flow to your paragraphs.
Language Usage
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more precisely and effectively.
Content
Consider adding more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Positioning
You've clearly stated your position, providing a strong introduction and conclusion that tie your argument together effectively.
Organization
Your essay logically organizes ideas, making it easy to follow your arguments about the benefits of mandatory vaccinations.
Example Usage
You effectively used relevant examples, such as smallpox eradication, to support your pro-vaccination stance.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • herd immunity
  • contagious diseases
  • public health safety
  • individual rights
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • ethical implications
  • bodily autonomy
  • inequitable access
  • cultural factors
  • economic factors
  • political factors
  • mandatory vaccinations
  • vaccination rates
  • outbreaks
  • hospitalizations
  • consent
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