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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. is it a positive or negative development. Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

In the present,
parents
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 give more independence to their
children
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 than in the past.
However
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, there are many arguments against
this
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 state.
This
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 essay will express the benefits and disadvantages of
this
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 situation. There are two main advantages to take into consideration
that
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apply
show examples
one primary advantage is that
children
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 can make important decisions by themselves.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
parents
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 can not live with their
children
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 forever ,so
children
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 have to take care of themselves in the future.
For example
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, when
children
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 do not live with their
parents
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 and they have some accident events, they need to make a decision on their own.
As a result
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,
children
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 will be able to live in society safely alone in the future.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 benefit is that
children
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 will be able to find their identity.
This
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 is because
children
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 can create their character by themselves and they will have self-esteem.
For instance
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, if they want to be a football player, they will have more time to practice their skill than other kids.
Therefore
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,
freedom
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 from
parents
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 can affect the ability or the gifted skill of their
children
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 for a long time.
However
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, there is one disadvantage that some
children
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 may become rebellious
children
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that some
parents
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 give too much
freedom
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 and they do not teach anything to their
children
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.
For example
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, some
children
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 do not respect older people and they have too much ego.
As a result
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, they can not live with other people. In conclusion, in my opinion, giving
freedom
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 to the
children
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 is a good thing and it should parallel advice from the
parents
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.
This
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 is because
children
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 have no experience.
Thus
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,
parents
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 should give
freedom
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 within limits.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develop it with examples and explanations.
task achievement
Balance the development of advantages and disadvantages to ensure thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralization, especially when discussing negative behaviors or outcomes, by providing balanced viewpoints or acknowledging exceptions.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and interest of your essay. Simple and complex sentences can be mixed for effect.
task achievement
The essay effectively addressed the topic with a clear introduction and conclusion, reflecting strong task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The use of specific examples, such as the scenario of children having to make decisions during accidents, effectively supports the main points.
coherence cohesion
The clear structure of advantages and a disadvantage provides cohesiveness and aids the reader's understanding.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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