IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A group of individuals
presents
Correct subject-verb agreement
present
show examples
 the view that it is obtaining qualifications from
universities
Use synonyms
 that makes finding lucrative jobs possible,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the most effective way to be employed is through developing soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and getting experience. Personally, I strongly agree with the former opinion, which will be discussed. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 justifiably argue that
people
Use synonyms
 who have received strong credentials from well-known
universities
Use synonyms
 are more likely to find a career that matches their interests and talents. They reasonably believe that studying at prestigious
universities
Use synonyms
 provides students with the opportunity to become familiar with
skills
Use synonyms
 that are necessary in a real-world work environment. These individuals not only learn how to be a good team player, which is vital
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 learn how to meet other
people
Use synonyms
's expectations.
For example
Linking Words
, I can vividly remember that at university there were several deadlines that we had to meet, and most of them were done in groups, where communication with others and sharing ideas were compulsory.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students learn several
skills
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 studying different subjects, which help them work efficiently and can result in high
job
Use synonyms
 security.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another group claims that if
people
Use synonyms
 are willing to find a decent
job
Use synonyms
, they should be encouraged to develop soft
skills
Use synonyms
 and work as an apprentice. They firmly insist that some
skills
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as critical thinking and interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
, are crucial, which can broaden horizons and open the door to better
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities
as well as
Linking Words
 higher standards of living.
However
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 these
people
Use synonyms
, these
skills
Use synonyms
 are not taught by professors at
universities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing because working as an apprentice and receiving a low salary
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not bring a sense of satisfaction, which can lead to several financial issues.
For example
Linking Words
, a friend of mine, who had been working in a company for two years so as to gain experience, decided to quit because that
job
Use synonyms
 seemed like a dead-end
job
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my view, those who have completed university are more likely to be recruited. I think since graduated students benefit from the necessary knowledge and
skills
Use synonyms
, they face fewer challenges in finding appropriate jobs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, gaining experience and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 does not guarantee finding a
job
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt, but the position taken is unclear at some points. Ensure that your opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay. Also, aim to provide a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before presenting a conclusion, and include a more explicit explanation of your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is logically structured and paragraphs are well-organized. However, transitions can be smoother, and some ideas need clearer connections. Use a wider range of linking words to enhance fluency between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Lexical Resource: There is a good range of vocabulary used, but remember to vary your language to avoid repetition. Be cautious with word choice to ensure precision. It would benefit the essay to employ a wider range of academic and topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The grammatical structure is varied, though there are a few instances of incorrect usage. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage. Review complex sentence structures to ensure clarity and accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: