Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
A group of individuals
presents
the view that it is obtaining qualifications from Correct subject-verb agreement
present
universities
that makes finding lucrative jobs possible, while
others believe that the most effective way to be employed is through developing soft skills
and getting experience. Personally, I strongly agree with the former opinion, which will be discussed.
On the one hand, some people
justifiably argue that people
who have received strong credentials from well-known universities
are more likely to find a career that matches their interests and talents. They reasonably believe that studying at prestigious universities
provides students with the opportunity to become familiar with skills
that are necessary in a real-world work environment. These individuals not only learn how to be a good team player, which is vital,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
learn how to meet other people
's expectations. For example
, I can vividly remember that at university there were several deadlines that we had to meet, and most of them were done in groups, where communication with others and sharing ideas were compulsory. Therefore
, students learn several skills
along with
studying different subjects, which help them work efficiently and can result in high job
security.
On the other hand
, another group claims that if people
are willing to find a decent job
, they should be encouraged to develop soft skills
and work as an apprentice. They firmly insist that some skills
, such
as critical thinking and interpersonal skills
, are crucial, which can broaden horizons and open the door to better job
opportunities as well as
higher standards of living. However
, according to
these people
, these skills
are not taught by professors at universities
. However
, I do not find this
argument convincing because working as an apprentice and receiving a low salary do
not bring a sense of satisfaction, which can lead to several financial issues. Change the verb form
does
For example
, a friend of mine, who had been working in a company for two years so as to gain experience, decided to quit because that job
seemed like a dead-end job
.
To conclude
, in my view, those who have completed university are more likely to be recruited. I think since graduated students benefit from the necessary knowledge and skills
, they face fewer challenges in finding appropriate jobs. Furthermore
, gaining experience and soft skills
does not guarantee finding a job
.Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on
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Task Achievement
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt, but the position taken is unclear at some points. Ensure that your opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay. Also, aim to provide a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before presenting a conclusion, and include a more explicit explanation of your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is logically structured and paragraphs are well-organized. However, transitions can be smoother, and some ideas need clearer connections. Use a wider range of linking words to enhance fluency between sentences and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Lexical Resource: There is a good range of vocabulary used, but remember to vary your language to avoid repetition. Be cautious with word choice to ensure precision. It would benefit the essay to employ a wider range of academic and topic-specific vocabulary.
Grammatical Range
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The grammatical structure is varied, though there are a few instances of incorrect usage. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage. Review complex sentence structures to ensure clarity and accuracy.
