Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In
this
advancement-technological era, many parents do not hesitate to buy their children
smartphones
,
this
might affect youngsters in both physical and mental health. In
this
essay, I will explain why
this
situation might occur and the potential problems. It is obvious that in
this
modern era, technology has been evolving. The production of
smartphones
is relatively rapid and cheaper than ever before. People in general from low to high income, and young to old can easily afford these technological tools.
This
situation might cause several negative impacts , particularly in children with the fact that at
this
young age, they might
lack
self-control and awareness. Unfortunately,
this
condition has been worsened by parents who both leave their children to a smartphone and neglect their
parental-supervision
Correct your spelling
parental supervision
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job that nannies might
lack
. Another problem that might potentially affect the young generation is both physical and mental health issues. Addiction to
smartphones
often makes minors sit in the same position and constantly stare at the monitor for an unacceptable duration, leading to a
lack
of physical activities that might be one of the reasons for obesity, cardiovascular illness, and joint problems.
Moreover
, a vision problem could be experienced,
therefore
, they might use glasses or get lasix surgery at a young age, which might lower their self-esteem.
To conclude
, in
this
modern era,
smartphones
have become a necessity in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
this
evolving technology making
smartphones
affordable for general communities, leading to numerous negative impacts , especially in minors who
lack
self-control. Addiction has glued youngsters to their mobile phones, leading to laziness and constant staring at their gadgets.
Consequently
, they might experience problems
such
as obesity, cardiovascular disease, and even vision destruction.
However
,
this
situation could be prevented by parental supervision, time management and strategies.
Therefore
, minors could
function
Verb problem
use
show examples
their gadgets as more beneficial tools in the long run.
Submitted by vabeladita on

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Task Achievement
Try to delve deeper into the reasons behind children spending hours on smartphones beyond the accessibility and affordability of technology. Incorporating more varied reasons could enhance the task response.
Task Achievement
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Maintain a clear and consistent progression of ideas throughout your essay. This includes ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, which will strengthen the coherence of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provided a comprehensive overview of the topic, clearly setting the stage for the discussion in your introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You've effectively addressed the task by presenting clear viewpoints on the impacts of smartphone usage among children, aligning well with the essay prompt.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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