IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

There are many zoos around the world these days. What are the causes of it? Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays there are many
zoos
Use synonyms
 around the world. The reason of that from ancient times people tame wild
animals
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 tradition
saved
Add a missing verb
is saved
show examples
 for these days.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, for
animals
Use synonyms
 better to live in
natural
Add an article
the natural
a natural
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 to
be keep
Change the verb form
be kept
show examples
 indoors or it should be large
area
Use synonyms
 close to
natural
Replace the word
nature
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
keep
Wrong verb form
are kept
show examples
 in unusual
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 for them. Often, they live in cages with less physical
activity
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, life in different
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
Use synonyms
animals
Change noun form
animal's
animals'
show examples
 health.
For instance
Linking Words
,
White
Correct article usage
the White
show examples
 bear from
North
Correct article usage
the North
show examples
 Pole.
This
Linking Words
 type suffers when
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
 without high
activity
Use synonyms
 and snow
environment
Use synonyms
. Zoo’s employees try to provide good
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 but sometimes it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 enough.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 exist for entertainment and education purposes as a rule. There are
zoos
Use synonyms
 with open
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
such
Linking Words
San
Change preposition
as San
show examples
 Diego Zoo or Safari. In these types of
Use synonyms
zoos
Add a comma
zoos,
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 live in
usual
Add an article
the usual
a usual
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 or natural
environment
Use synonyms
. What is
more
Add a comma
more,
show examples
 it is interesting to look for
animals
Use synonyms
 in natural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 when
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 active. People around the world come to Safari to look
how
Change preposition
at how
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 interact with each other in wild
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, for
animals
Use synonyms
 it is stressful to live in small cages with less physical
activity
Use synonyms
. They suffer because they do not have
habitual
Correct article usage
the habitual
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
 and
activity
Use synonyms
 that they have in natural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Singularly some types
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
live in specific places.
However
Linking Words
, there are big
zoos
Use synonyms
 with excellent
Use synonyms
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 that allow
animals
Use synonyms
 to live 
wonderful
Change the adjective
wonderfully
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, I recommend focusing on the structure of your essay. Consider using a clearer introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Additionally, aim for a conclusion that summarizes your key points and restates your opinion in a concise manner.
task achievement
For better task achievement, ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question asked. Make it clear how each paragraph contributes to your argument or discussion on the topic. Including more specific examples and reasons can also strengthen your essay by providing clear evidence to support your points.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples, such as the San Diego Zoo and Safari, to support your argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay conveys your stance and discusses both sides of the argument, indicating a good approach to addressing the essay question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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