There are many zoos around the world these days. What are the causes of it? Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays there are many
zoos
around the world. The reason of that from ancient times people tame wild animals
. Thus
, this
tradition saved
for these days. Add a missing verb
is saved
From
my opinion, for Change the preposition
In
animals
better to live in natural
Add an article
the natural
a natural
environment
then
to Replace the word
than
be keep
indoors or it should be large Change the verb form
be kept
area
close to natural
.
Replace the word
nature
Firstly
, animals
in zoos
keep
in unusual Wrong verb form
are kept
area
for them. Often, they live in cages with less physical Fix the agreement mistake
areas
activity
. Moreover
, life in different area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
for
some Change preposition
apply
animals
health. Change noun form
animal's
animals'
For instance
, White
bear from Correct article usage
the White
North
Pole. Correct article usage
the North
This
type suffers when live
Replace the word
living
indoor
without high Correct your spelling
indoors
activity
and snow environment
. Zoo’s employees try to provide good condition
but sometimes it Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
not
enough.
Add a missing verb
is not
Secondly
, zoos
exist for entertainment and education purposes as a rule. There are zoos
with open area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
such
San
Diego Zoo or Safari. In these types of Change preposition
as San
zoos
Add a comma
zoos,
animals
live in usual
Add an article
the usual
a usual
area
or natural environment
. What is more
it is interesting to look for Add a comma
more,
animals
in natural area
when Fix the agreement mistake
areas
their
active. People around the world come to Safari to look Replace the word
they're
they are
how
Change preposition
at how
animals
interact with each other in wild area
.
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
To sum up
, for animals
it is stressful to live in small cages with less physical activity
. They suffer because they do not have habitual
Correct article usage
the habitual
environment
and activity
that they have in natural area
. Singularly some types Fix the agreement mistake
areas
which
live in specific places. Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, there are big zoos
with excellent environment
that allow Fix the agreement mistake
environments
animals
to live wonderful
.Change the adjective
wonderfully
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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, I recommend focusing on the structure of your essay. Consider using a clearer introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Additionally, aim for a conclusion that summarizes your key points and restates your opinion in a concise manner.
task achievement
For better task achievement, ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question asked. Make it clear how each paragraph contributes to your argument or discussion on the topic. Including more specific examples and reasons can also strengthen your essay by providing clear evidence to support your points.
task achievement
You have effectively used examples, such as the San Diego Zoo and Safari, to support your argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay conveys your stance and discusses both sides of the argument, indicating a good approach to addressing the essay question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
